10th Mar 2017, 1:39 PM
in Ch. 31 - A Symbol of Trust
Author Notes:
Jocelyn
10th Mar 2017, 1:39 PM
Rain's feelings mirror my own quite a bit. I was at one time hesitant to talk to anyone about anything relating to my being trans. Even people who I knew would accept me or could help me. But going out at any given time, I agonized over whether I passed or not. No one would even say anything; I would be sensitive to every little glance that lasted just a second too long. Or assume if someone is laughing, it HAD to be at me. Maybe everyone can see right through me and just isn't saying anything. I 100% understand and support anyone who would want to be stealth, but after years and years of trying to be that way, I just can't do it. All it does is feed on my low self-esteem and send my already bad anxiety through the roof.
In hindsight, becoming visible was probably a gradual and unconscious process for me. When I realized what I was doing, it felt very sudden and it weirded me out, much like Rain, but the signs were there that I'd probably been going that way for a while. I also realized I hadn't been as anxious lately. I wasn't self-loathing as much. Someone could look in my general direction without me fearing the worst and wanting to just burst into tears. It was a relief to not feel like that. It was strange, and an adjustment, but it also felt right. More natural than what I'd been trying to force myself to do all this time.
After all, I know what I am. I'm a woman. And whether people know that I'm also trans or not, no one can ever take my womanhood away. They might laugh, or try to insult me, or try to convince me that I'll never be "real", but those people's uninformed opinions don't matter. I know what I am. I don't care if they "don't agree" with my identity. I don't need to prove it, and I don't need anyone's permission. And for what it's worth, my voice is iffy, I still have to shave my face everyday, and I'm well aware I DON'T always pass for any number of reasons. But I'm still a woman, so who cares if people know I'm trans too?
That's what's comfortable for me. I want to stress that I'm not trying to convince anyone to drop their stealth because it's worked wonders for me. No, we're all different. The point is: I'm doing what feels right to me, so you do you. That will always be my stance. If you want to be visible, be visible. If you want to be stealth, be stealth. If you want to be kinda halfway open with select people, go for it. As long as you're not hurting anyone, you do whatever you need to for you.
Er-hem.
That was more than I expected to say. I guess I just wanted to get that out. Especially before we go into hiatus mode. I know, I know. But I want to use this time to FINALLY get Volume 4 out. Also, I want to attend to some things going on in my personal life right now. The goal is to be back before March is over. It could be sooner or later this month depending on how things go (and I'll keep you posted), but I'll definitely be back with more new pages (three days a week) before this month ends. ^_^
©2004-2017
Rain, all characters and all other aspects of the story are copyright material belonging to me.
Follow Rain on Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/RainWebcomic/
Buy Rain: Vol. 1, 2 and/or 3 - http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/LittleLynn84
Also t-shirts/mugs/notebooks/etc - http://www.redbubble.com/people/littlelynn84
In hindsight, becoming visible was probably a gradual and unconscious process for me. When I realized what I was doing, it felt very sudden and it weirded me out, much like Rain, but the signs were there that I'd probably been going that way for a while. I also realized I hadn't been as anxious lately. I wasn't self-loathing as much. Someone could look in my general direction without me fearing the worst and wanting to just burst into tears. It was a relief to not feel like that. It was strange, and an adjustment, but it also felt right. More natural than what I'd been trying to force myself to do all this time.
After all, I know what I am. I'm a woman. And whether people know that I'm also trans or not, no one can ever take my womanhood away. They might laugh, or try to insult me, or try to convince me that I'll never be "real", but those people's uninformed opinions don't matter. I know what I am. I don't care if they "don't agree" with my identity. I don't need to prove it, and I don't need anyone's permission. And for what it's worth, my voice is iffy, I still have to shave my face everyday, and I'm well aware I DON'T always pass for any number of reasons. But I'm still a woman, so who cares if people know I'm trans too?
That's what's comfortable for me. I want to stress that I'm not trying to convince anyone to drop their stealth because it's worked wonders for me. No, we're all different. The point is: I'm doing what feels right to me, so you do you. That will always be my stance. If you want to be visible, be visible. If you want to be stealth, be stealth. If you want to be kinda halfway open with select people, go for it. As long as you're not hurting anyone, you do whatever you need to for you.
Er-hem.
That was more than I expected to say. I guess I just wanted to get that out. Especially before we go into hiatus mode. I know, I know. But I want to use this time to FINALLY get Volume 4 out. Also, I want to attend to some things going on in my personal life right now. The goal is to be back before March is over. It could be sooner or later this month depending on how things go (and I'll keep you posted), but I'll definitely be back with more new pages (three days a week) before this month ends. ^_^
©2004-2017
Rain, all characters and all other aspects of the story are copyright material belonging to me.
Follow Rain on Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/RainWebcomic/
Buy Rain: Vol. 1, 2 and/or 3 - http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/LittleLynn84
Also t-shirts/mugs/notebooks/etc - http://www.redbubble.com/people/littlelynn84
User comments:
Honestly, the concept of hormones affecting my emotions makes me really want them right now, it just feels like I'' only capable of feeling anger or fear at the moment and the only semblance of happiness I ever feel is with my bf which is becoming much less common now. Anything I would do for fun now just ends up making me frustrated in some way or another, and all I want is to just be able to break down and cry but I can't because the emotions for it just don't exist anymore.
Also, I now have a boyfriend! Something else I never imagined I would ever be able to say. To say this year has been eventful is an understatement, and I can't wait to see where I am in another year!
And I look forward to buying a copy of volume 4 for my collection! Take your time and try to enjoy the breather.
On a side note I have my first therapist visit on March 16th I'm so excited I'm almost walking on the ceiling lol
so i am glad we have a bit of resolution before the hiatus. Have fun, Lynn! We will miss you and characters but it's just a short while. I think we can handle it. We are big boys and girls and enbys, i think so i think so. As for Rain, this really is a concern for her, i think the story is really a story of her becoming more confident.
No shame for anybody who feels otherwise, of course! Just be as much yourself as possible in the safest way you're willing to restrict yourself to. Whether that's stealth, or totally open, or somewhere in the middle.
EVER.
Me, I'm out and proud. Sometimes it's in subtle ways like wearing my trans pride earrings, but sometimes it's in big ways, like marching in protests or doing talks at the LGBT center.
The point is that we each have to walk our own path. Nobody can tell you exactly how to walk yours, and if someone tries to? Honestly? That is probably a toxic person and they have no right to do what they are doing.
I'm calling it now: Rain will do exactly that on the day of her graduation. (After getting her official diploma, of course.)
How much has that line resonated with me since I first read it on the back cover of Volume 5... I never had an ounce of self-esteem over the years, and discovering as an adult that I was trans only made me shrink away from the unaccepting world around me even more. But since finally coming out, getting on HRT and slowly learning how to eschew my fears of how I'm perceived and presenting myself more as the real me, there's been this dual effect of increased happiness plus confidence in myself. It still feels so weird to me though, being such a new experience to have after 4 decades. Liberating yet scary.
1. Ch. 23: The Flaherty Siblings
2. Ch 14: No More Fake Smiles
3. Ch 5: Cordially Invited
4. Ch 4: Not the Same
5. Ch. 28: Love, Trust, and Respect
6. Ch. 27: Same Girl, New Look
7. Ch 15: The January Girl
8. Ch. 19: Vincent's Story
9. Ch. 24: Of Cons and Kisses
10. Ch. 26: Cut
11. Ch. 29: Transitions
12. Ch. 21: Valentine's Day
13. Ch. 20: Just a Quiet Weekend
14. Ch. 31 A Symbol of Trust
15. Ch 13: Togetherness
16. Ch. 30: Little Victories
17. Ch. 17: Journey of 1,000 Miles
18. Ch 9: One Week
19. Ch. 18: Sunny
20. Ch. 16: The Exception
21. Ch 12: Drab
22. Ch 11: Big Brother
23. Ch. 22: Valentine's Night
24. Ch 7: Mixed Feelings
25. Ch 10: Friendship
26. Ch 6: Fallen Angel
27. Ch 2: Secrets and Lies
28. Ch 3: Normal People
29. Ch 1: The New Girl
30. Ch. 25: Wings
31. Ch 8: Confrontation