3rd Mar 2017, 4:22 PM in Ch. 31 - A Symbol of Trust
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Average Rating: 4.92 (13 votes)
Author Notes:
Scene end. Only a little more chapter to go (told you this was going to be a short one). But what do you make of this? What does this all mean for the future of the story? For Rain? For Ana? For the other kids not in the know?

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User comments:
I completely understand where Ana is coming from, but I can see some tension arising from this in the future...
Maplestrip (Guest)

I'm happy with how this ended up! :D
hope (Guest)
I don't think that Ana should have to come out about anything. I think it's nice she trusted Rain, but she shouldn't have to come out. I think it should be known by everyone that if they're comfortable as they are, they don't have to change anything or tell anyone anything.
Yeah, this is going to come up with Gavin at some point... probably not for a few chapters though.
Kyla (Guest)
It's funny because I am exactly like Ana
mecaterpillar (Guest)
"I'm cisgender now for all intents and purposes"

Am I the only one wondering how this works?
Basically, she's in the body she identifies in? If I'm understanding it correctly.
Or that it would be very difficult for someone- the school, for example- to prove she isn't cis?
Dawn (Guest)
I was thinking it was along the lines of "You should jst think of me as cis, and so should everyone else," not that she's literally cis now.

What Dawn said. By "all intents and purposes", she's just saying she doesn't want to come out. Because if she doesn't, she'll likely be assumed cis by others. She's just admitted to being trans on the previous page, so calling herself totally 100% cis would be contradictory. In other words, she just means she's trying to live as though she's cis... not that she IS cis.
Dream of a Pebble
Although to be fair, the cis/trans opposition does get a bit muddled with intersex people.
Hitomi (Guest)
And I actually think it wouldn't be correct if she wanted to call herself cis. The doctors assigned her "male" by mistake, and that's just the SAME that happens to some non-intersex people, to all trans women, like herself, like me. What I mean is that she's not less trans than any other non-intersex trans woman. She'd have been cis if the doctor didn't make that misake.

But I understand her feelings, as I'm like her. It's only been a bit more than two years and a half since I found myself, but I'm lucky enough people don't realize I'm trans, just like Ana, so I want to keep it like that. I mean, my friends from some years ago know, my family knows, and my girlfriend -also a trans woman- knows as well.

In that sense, I guess I get to be more like Rain, since people from my past accept me. But I don't plan on telling anyone I'm not very close to. Because I just want to be seen as a woman, and "not be treated or looked at differently", paraphrasing Ana. "I want to live my life the way I want [...] completely out of my control".

But talking about it with a therapist not long ago, they (non-binary therapist) told me about a trans woman they knew, one that started hormones and all before adolescence, and so the only people in her world that knew were her parents. My therapist told me about how she has a group of friends, all women, where when they talk about things like menstruation she just pretends she has it as well. And that this and other things make her feel like she has a bit of a burden, like, she's not ever opened to anyone about that.

I began reading this great webcomic from the beginning 10 days ago, and it's already made me think about many things. I don't think the world is ready to see me as woman as any cis woman. But it would be nice to see more people like Emily, or the doctor that first doctor I visited about this, people that have no problems to see you as 100% woman, no different from cis. I think that, if everyone was like this, I'd like to share I'm trans with everyone, since it's something that's part of me, and it's just beautiful and I'm proud of it. Proud of having found myself, proud of having had the courage to act on it. And much happier than I'd ever been before.

Well, I guess it's not probable that you will read that comment from a chapter so many years ago :P

But just in case, I'll just as well: I like it so much! Keep up the good work! You're so good at this, and I hope more people would know about it, because it teaches so much about the reality of us trans people.
Maybe? (Guest)
I think she’s saying since she was born intersex that she was only “trans” because of a medical intervention; that she does identify with how she was born and now she is “back” to being that way?
And another stir is given to the pot of trouble that will soon boil over.
Will you stop adding things to the stew already! Just keep stirring.
Lia47 (Guest)
aw. I'm not sure whether or not to feel bad for Ana, this may really be how she's happiest, but Rain definitely wanted a friend she could talk to about this stuff.
Emerald Kitten-Tail (Guest)
i agree and Rain just looks so disappointed in that last frame.
One more chapter? Or one more page?
Lyss (Guest)
While I completely understand how Ana feels about herself, I hope she won't get upset if Rain wants to gush to her friends about how her transition is going.
Okay, I didn't say anything before, but now that it's out... There are OFFICIALLY too many LGBTQ+ people.

I kid, I kid. It makes sense that anyone in this school would find each other.
There are also too many cishet characters :P

Sure statistically they outnumber lgbt people by a huge amount, but this is fiction. This story probably has enough though.
Seikueon (Guest)
I'd never say there was too many queer people. The fact there's not more redundancy, but "one of every flavor" is one thing, but there's not "too many".

What I question is their choice to go to Catholic school. I understand why some do, but unless the public school was just terrible, I don't know why Rain (even with administrative discount) or Ana's aunt and dad think this is the best place for them. And Ky seems to be okay in public school.
Jessica Bright (Guest)
There's a few reasons why this might happen. Some of them came out in catholic school or were sent there to be 'cured'. Some can just pass freely in a catholic school without it being generally questioned. Some want to move away from their old school where their old identity was known ect. Sometimes it's really just the best education.

Rain is in this school because she and Fara thought it best if she attended the same school her aunt worked at. When Fara applied to various schools to make that happen, St. Hallvard was the only one that responded. And while Fara warned her about the potential implications, Rain is the one that ultimately decided on this school (this is all in one of the print exclusive bonus chapters, so I understand if people don't know).

Most of the rest of the characters though, have been explained, either subtly or directly. Maria and Rudy were sent there by their homophobic parents to dissuade them from "turning gay". Incidentally, that's why Gavin is there too after his mom divorced his gay dad (that one might have been exclusively said in a bonus chapter, but it's made apparent early on in the online pages that his mom is very unsupportive of his dad's homosexuality). Chanel mentions at one point that she's suffered trauma from bullying, so she was sent to this religious school in hopes to protect her from that sort of thing. And while I don't think it's ever explicitly stated why Emily is there, private schools are believed to offer better education (which goes in line with her early story goals of seeking perfection).

As for Ana or any of the other kids, we don't know yet. But there are a lot of reasons kids could end up in a school like this. It doesn't necessarily have to be a bad reason. It might not have anything to do with one's faith. When I ended up in Catholic school for a few years back in the day, it was just because I was a terrible student. Yes, I grew up Catholic, but we weren't the heavily practicing sort (and I was nowhere near being out yet). My parents were just hoping it'd be more hands on, and I'd get better grades (for what it's worth, I didn't).
Seikueon (Guest)
I understood most of the other characters just fine for all those reasons. ^_^ It was mostly Fara and Ana's Dad that made me confused, so since one is print only, it makes sense I wouldn't know technically and the other hasn't been revealed. (yet?) So that helps.

I was briefly in Catholic school even though my dad excommunicated himself from the church with a vengeance (before I was born) because it was best for my specific situation. But I was deeply unaware of my queerness at the time, so it wasn't my issue. If I hadn't buried it so deep, maybe I would have opposed going. As it was, it was already weird because of a difference in religion.

That, and the fact the novel I'm writing has a similar setting, but a different type of story, just had me speculating on the setting a bit. The forced closet for everyone is an interesting trope, but I was wondering if it was like that for the drama or if there was enough in-world reasoning. I'd say I accept it better now.

In fairness, when it comes down to it, I did really want to use this setting. Catholic school was a very significant time in my life (for better or worse), and I don't feel the setting is explored terribly often in modern stories.

But as a writer, I also don't like to do things for no reason (because it IS odd for someone like Rain to be in a school like this, usually). So while the reasons for them all being there aren't terribly essential to the overall story, I wanted to still HAVE reasons. So I guess it's a little bit of both. I hope that makes sense. ^_^
Me (Guest)
It really is not clear at all that Gavin's mum is homophobic. Of course, it's a reasonable assumption to make considering the majority of the background characters are, however it could just as easily be that she is just (justifiably) angry and bitter about her husband leaving her.
NotTaken (Guest)
Divorce, especially when one party has been in hard denial for a while, can be really wrenching for some people The parents of a girl I went with in high school ( we're talking in the 70s, here ) got divorced when she left for college. I assume the dad was trying to hold it together till Chris moved out. When they split, he revealed to the mom that he was seeing a black woman. Mom had a fit, and from then on blamed black people ( often using the 'N' word ) for everything. Since Chris came out as lesbian after being at college for about six months, it was 'those N****s fault' that her baby girl turned gay. Chris stopped going home, and I certainly was no longer welcome there. Her relationship with her father was a bit strained, but at least not THAT bad. He did feel guilty, and once expressed his worry that his infidelity had made Chris not trust men, and maybe that was the reason for her coming out. People do tend to try and find a way to relate something they don't understand to something in their own life that is unsettled, or blame it on something they blame for the problems in their own life. They aren't trying to be cruel, and in truth, the person they are generally being the most cruel TO is themselves, but they can't understand that aspect. If you have missed that aspect of people in your own life, feel very blessed. It is more common than publicly acknowledged, and causes a lot of heartache.
Anonymous (Guest)
Honestly, this made me hate Ana's character a little. That's such a selfish and childish way to make Rain feel bad for being who she is. Outed by association? Rain has a penis. Ana doesn't. If anything, Rain has a hell of a lot more to worry about than Ana. The way she treated Rain comes off as worse than Drew getting antsy about being seen with Ky. If I was Rain in this situation, I would have to use all my willpower to keep myself from kneeing her in the gut. Seriously, she just sounded so damn irrationally mean and rude.
Honestly, I agree. Ana strikes me as selfish and passive aggressive at times, especially without the situation calling for it. She reminds me of a bad friend I used to have in high school
Szarrukin (Guest)
Let's just hope that Rudy "Dude she's a lesbian" will never figure Ana out.
Ana stop being relatable!