Yeah in a perfect world everyone could be friends... though sadly this isn't a perfect world, terrible I know.

Ana pauses for a few seconds, clearly weighing her choices, could she trust Rain with her secret? What would she say? Maybe it would be best just to say nothing?

Eventually she relents, looking Rain directly in the eye, she says with a deep gravelly voice "Rain, I...I'm Batman!"

Ana's a teenager with a history of experiencing actual physical violence against her because of who she is. I wouldn't blame her for being paranoid because of that.

considering that if she's outed she could be kicked out of the school or worse, her concern is pretty legitimate.

Yeah, I get the, "but she doesn't have to be a dick about it" thing, but I think she's so upset right now that she's not even thinking about how all this sounds to Rain. She probably has some ptsd from when she was attacked and I wouldn't be surprised if she was fighting flashbacks right now.

As a person with PTSD, I really don't like when it's used to excuse rude or otherwise not okay behavior because I feel it gives people with PTSD a bad name and further enforces the stigma against mental illness. Especially because trauma doesn't guarantee a person will develop PTSD and we have NO evidence that Ana has PTSD. Reasons also aren't excuses. Even if she did have PTSD, that wouldn't make it okay to be rude to someone who has done NOTHING to her. Finally, come on, Ana knows what would happen to Rain if the school found out about her, it's glaringly obvious Rain doesn't walk around telling everyone or she wouldn't still be there.

Also, Rain has suffered trauma as well, including implied abuse by her father and Kellen committing assault by cutting off her hair in her sleep so they are on an even playing field here.
http://rain.thecomicseries.com/comics/620/

Exactly. They're on an even playing field, and the playing field does include being a teenager and not always choosing to be your best self in every moment.

Pointing out both of those things, plus all the other crap going on, doesn't need to be an excuse - it's an explanation. If we were speaking to the actual character after the fact, there would be lessons to dispense. But in that kind of moment we've all chosen drahma over leveling with someone, we've all chosen to be snotty over being kind, we've all chosen to be guarded jerks instead of forthcoming, and we've done it for Reasons. Sometimes the reason is as simple as "I was worked up about something else and felt like sticking a needle into somebody." Sometimes we aren't aware of it at all. People just don't always choose, or have the ability to choose, to be fully present and fully outside our own heads in every situation. Sometimes expecting better of them is appropriate, and sometimes understanding is appropriate.

In real interpersonal relationships, we brush off a lot of this stuff from others, and we're fortunate that others cut us some slack. Here, we're outside observers and we have the luxury of total detachment.

We haven't "all" done anything, I expressed my feelings in a civil manner and by my count so has most everyone else. Also, boundaries are important and healthy, letting it slide imo is not. I ask that people tell me politely I've done or said something that upset them and I do the same. If someone has been a jerk or hurt someone they need make it right imo, you don't just let it slide because then you send the message it's okay and if it's not okay with you then anger and resentment will build each time it happens until the relationship sours. Imo it's always better to be polite and up front than to let it sit there. Plus, imo you teach people what kind of treatment you will put up with. If you let it slide when they hurt you, they will keep hurting you, even if they don't mean to, because you haven't told them and set a healthy boundary. This is my opinion after many years of bad relationships and abuse and more still of therapy to learn how to value myself and keep from falling back into that pattern.

I didn't mean that having ptsd could be a carte blanch to treat people however you want, just that I think she's being triggered right now. I've got generalized anxiety disorder and bipolar disorder and sometimes when something triggers my anxiety or my depressive side I say stuff without really thinking about the consequences because I'm so upset and in my own head. I mean I still have to take responsibility for my actions afterwards and work to get to a point in my life where my disorders don't have that kind of hold on me, but in the moment, I'm scared or sad to the point where those emotions overwhelm me and it's hard to think about anything else. As for Ana having ptsd, I admit it was a guess, but it was a guess based on her behavior. She's put up walls, and even after finding out that there's no danger in telling the group, she still won't. When Rain came out to her, that look on her face... It stopped her in her tracks. She looks terrified. She had to leave to regain her composure, and even then, she'll barely look at Rain. And it might just be me but I can see the tighness in her shoulders as she talks in the third to last panel. Maybe she doesn't have ptsd per say but she's definately going through some shit and it was definately triggered by Rain coming out. I think that reminded her of a time when she came out, or when someone found her out, and she got hurt because of it. Possibly the attack she mentioned to Galvin. For me it's very reminicant of some of my own experiences, that's just how I interpurted it.

http://rain.thecomicseries.com/comics/384/ ;-)

In my experience those scenes usually end with the two people climbing into an air duct. But I really doubt that this is what's going to happen here :D

I live stealth and can realate to Ana's fear "outed by association". I'd not act similar to Ana in that situation but I'd probably tell Rain politelty my own situationm thank her for her trust and openess but also tell it would be too much for my own fears and triggers to stay close. It's a terrible thing to say and do but sometimes you got to be selfis to stay safe and sane.

I think it's admirablethat you practice self care (which imo isn't selfish) and set polite, healthy boundaries. There's nothing wrong with being stealth, but being rude or angry at others for living more openly as Ana seems to be doing is not okay imo. I'm glad you would handle things in a way that meets your needs and still acknowledges the right of others to have different needs. I wish more people would respond that way.

Seikueon, in response to you post, I am a genderfluid person who identifies as female. I am also mostly conservative, and have found that I experience transgender erasure (the idea that I am not "one of us" because I disagree politically. In fact, I was told flatly "no such thing" as a conservative LGBT person at a Pride fest, despite you know, hey I'm here).

The take of a conservative ally to LGBT is different from that of a liberal. A liberal tells you "I was born this way". The conservative LGBT or ally, dismisses that idea of inborn determination and their argument goes something like this.

For (lesbian/bisexual/gay): "You two are consenting adults, right? Well, then you don't need to explain yourself to me. You can do anything you want."
For transgender ppl: "You can be anything you want to be. I don't believe that God made a mistake though. I believe you should do what makes you happy."

The difference between that and a non-ally is the acceptance that it isn't their business. The non-ally is a busybody, regardless of their politics (and there are liberal homophobes too).

Why am I telling all of this? It's to explain a difference in mindset. The average liberal is kind of Calvinist. They believe in predestination. The average conservative is Protestant. They believe in free will and grace. In grace theology, accepting yourself is first and foremost. If you pass or not, most people don't care.

What I found during my transition (no-binary transition being what it is, it is more about feeling comfortable than something physical) was that other people are typically fine with you unless you are more nervous than happy. That the average person will accept someone who is happy and friendly, alot more than they will someone who is secretive and surly. So the question is, what do you need to be embarrassed of? If anyone asks, I tell them who and what I am. Nobody ever even asks.

Seen in this way, Ana is being completely unreasonable. This is about the same mentality as "Jerry used to be a bank robber. If I hang out with him, people will assume I also like to rob banks." Uhhh, one if you seem like not the type to rob a bank, nobody will ever assume that. Two, guilt by association isn't really real as evidenced by the fact that all of us have friends who has pasts, but we haven't done those things (http://archive.jsonline.com/news/president/32437259.html ). All of us have pasts, and the only thing wrong is hiding them. And three, that's dirtbag behavior. A friend told you their deepest secret, and you turned your back on them because "what would they say about me?" That's self-centered.

I agree with a lot of what you said Samantha, I do think Ana has a right to not want to hang out with Rain, but she doesn't have a right to be rude to her, no one ever has the right to be rude,a jerk, etc. Imo.

However, in this specific environment (a Catholic school), being outed could lead to expulsion. Thus, stealth, at least among the general public, is the best option for Ana.

BlackSocks, "could" and "are" are two different words. From what we have seen of this guy so far, he has a reputation that is probably way worse than he actually is.
Consider Emily's pregnancy. He gave her detention, which you normally get for talking back to a teacher or refusing to do your homework. He took away her Valedictorian status, which sounds kinda douchy (until you remember the newspapers report the speech and would take a picture of her baby bulge, btw Catholic schools have had a problem of the priests being accused of molesting, so this might be a matter of them immediately accusing Father Quentin), and he offered the sweatshirts if she needed it.

Father Quentin is not overly likely to be thrilled that Rain gave up her reproductive rights, but seeing her act as parent might change his mind.

And for those who ask why I brought up Rain's reproductive rights, pro-life is key to most Catholicism. This is the main issue I can see him having with her.

I can definitely say that my friend group has migrated towards each other seemingly randomly, but we are a huge group who only came out AFTER knowing each other, because we're the one table at the school who literally doesn't judge others. We get called freaks, but you will never hear us call anyone else that. Because we all understand.

Hey Kara. Yes, deep stealth is a failing model.

In actual fact, you risk violence by being insecure about yourself and treating this as if it were a horrible thing. And in fact, this is what it becomes. Suppose you are dating a guy, and you have had sex many times, and you are about to get married. Isn't this going to more likely cause something bad to happen than if you told sometime before the second date (especially since they now how your address and can harass you)? Whereas if I tell you upfront, there is no fear of trying to "trick you" and as long as it doesn't sound like a rejection excuse, the person will either reject you (and you can move on) or they will accept you, in which case you have just told your deepest secret and everything else will be cool.

Being trans has lead to a lot of negatives in Rain's life too, the implied abuse by her father who she still has nightmares about, Gavin's initial anger, her brother's initial mistreatment, and Kellen committing assault and cutting off her hair in her sleep. She has less support from her family than Ana seems to and Ana knows nothing about Rain and shouldn't be jumping to conclusions and passing judgment.
http://rain.thecomicseries.com/comics/620/

^from me

Ah, right. I am very tired and completely forgot about those points! Sorry about that.
Definitely, being trans has lead to negatives in Rain's life. But we're assuming that Ana has been outed multiple times, had to move schools multiple times, and has tried very, very hard to avoid those in her past because she had been mistreated pretty badly. Rain definitely went through a lot, and I'm not trying to say that she didn't suffer (because she certainly did) but she also didn't go through quite what Ana did-- and we're assuming that Ana has been presenting as female for fifteen years (I believe, should probably fact-check that) and Rain only has this year. Ana has a lot more experience being out and has had to rearrange her entire life multiple times due to being trans, and feels the need to guard her secret with much more intensity than-- she thinks-- Rain does. That's what makes Rain's revelation so shocking, because Ana would never dream of doing that.

Yeah, jumping to conclusions does seem a little extreme, but we have to keep in mind that Rain has just come out to a girl who she has only had a few conversations with. Ana doesn't know anything about Rain's past. She doesn't know how Rain was outed to most of the lunch table. We also don't know Ana's past experiences-- she may very well have gotten excited and came out to people "as a symbol of trust and friendship" and ended up horribly for it. From Ana's perspective here, if she believes that Rain is pretty new to being stealth, Rain is making rookie mistakes. Anyone could have heard her at that table-- Ana could have reacted poorly-- any of her friends could have reacted badly-- and Rain would have to run from everything and change up her whole life again. My interpretation is that she is, at least in part, scared for Rain. Ana's bad experiences have taught her "don't talk about being trans or bad things will happen to you," and she sees Rain talking about being trans to someone she barely knows. She's jumping to conclusions, yes, but she doesn't really have a lot of time to think about it. I think her upcoming conversation with Rain will make her understand Rain's perspective a little more.

In all fairness here we don't really know everything Rain has been through and we don't know anything really about Ana's experiences. Also you can't compare pain, they have been through different things so far as we know, but one isn't worse or more serious than the other, they are just different.

Also, not knowing anything is even more reason for Ana to not jump to conclusions and makes it all the more rude imo. Not knowing someone isn't an excuse to be rude, it's a reason not to be.

While I agree with the idea, I don't think that it is very reasonable to expect Ana to instantly not judge. Judging is what people do, instantly, in order to make sense of things-- if Ana didn't form an opinion on Rain until Rain explained everything, that could take a very long time. These past three updates have occurred over a very short time span, and Ana is still in the "process + react" phase of thinking and hasn't had time to think about it and go "oh hey, maybe I shouldn't be jumping to conclusions here, here is x evidence to support that I shouldn't be making this assumption." It's been maybe a minute? Ana might be being a little rude, but she's also shocked and a little scared and hasn't had time to weigh her words or think about anything yet. She doesn't have time to not jump to conclusions or think about her reaction. She probably wouldn't have been like this if she had walked off on her own, thought about it, and returned as peppy as usual.

Ana's reaction is understandable, but a person always has the choice to fact check, it is in fact part of healthy communication imo to say okay wait let me ask before I get angry. That is in fact the main principal of cognitive behavioral therapy (cbt), which is used to treat bi polar disorder, depression, and several other mental health conditions, which are chemical or physiological. My point is if a bipolar person can use fact checking and thought changing to stabilize the manic and depressive moods, even so well as to not need medication in some cases, then others can at least try. The only way imo to make a better less prejudiced world is to practice reserving judgment and fact checking. Ana having experienced judgment herself, which has lead to fear, doesn't then get a pass to pass the same kind of judgment on others, especially someone in a seemingly similar situation. Tldr; Emotions aren't logical and as such, though they are valid, they shouldn't be allowed to rule your behavior imo.

Words, not post - Long day - brain not braining. -_-

This may be true for you, but a lot of people I know have been outed by association, and it can be especially true for trans* people, where you can see that something might be off about someone, or they look more feminine or masculine. I can pass pretty well, but, though my twin isn't transgender, people think I'm a girl because when they see me next to her, they see how my facial shape is very feminine because they compare ours unintentionally. It sounds weird, but it can be entirely possible.

I renounce all my earlier predictions. THIS is the truth.

ayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! :)