Incidentally, I don't think this is a terribly uncommon occurrence among trans folk (not that it's exactly a requirement either). Speaking purely for myself, any time growing up that I'd be told to "make a wish," only one thought ever came to mind (although, I wanted the opposite thing Vincent did... and I didn't shout out my wishes). And I took every opportunity! That's not just birthday cakes either. See also stars, wishbones, dandelions, eyelashes, necklace chains and - back when I was a religious kid - even outright prayer. I even considered including it on a Christmas list a couple times, but I was afraid my parents would read it before Santa saw, so I opted out. Looking back, I was a naive, little kid. Or maybe just desperate. XD
For what it's worth though, I STILL wish for the same thing on my birthday cakes. It's become like a reflex for me.
ANYway, given that Vincent is 35, this flashback would date back thirty years before the story's present day. So, this is SUPPOSED to be 1983. I had to do a Google Image search of that year to get an idea of how people should look to at least attempt accuracy, but I really don't know how well I did. It is kinda before my time (albeit only slightly). Looking at the dad, I think I got the glasses down though. XD
The "childhood story" Rain is referring to is, incidentally, the very first page. ;P
Yep. Definitely. Every single possible chance I had to wish, the first thing that came to my mind was "I wish I could go to sleep and wake up as a female." Of course, given that I thought these thoughts were strange and bad at the time, I would immediately go "what's wrong with me for thinking like this" . . .
I actually pushed it so far back into my mind that I didn't even think about it seriously until college. At some point thinking the hypothetical "I think my life would have been better if I was female, though I don't know why," suddenly made all those thoughts come crashing down on me again, and when I couldn't get it out of my head I realized it was for serious and not just a recent fancy. Retelling people early stories about my dysphoria shocked them, but it was all the more surprising to me that I could deny they ever existed or were important enough to dwell on. Even former therapists I've seen said they were dumbfounded when they heard that I'd come out, as I gave no indication of gender dysphoria when I was young. Well, no indication that I ever let on myself.
All the more reason that I'm happy with how far I've developed as a person through transition :)
Although I never asked myself "what's wrong with me?" I did spend 25 years trying to be a man, and after nights spent wishing I was born a girl, I'd get angry at myself and say to myself, "What are you thinking? Your SUPPOSED to be a man" that said "supposed to be," isn't "are" is it :)
The only memory I can pull from my childhood (although I do have pretty bad memory, so there's that) we when I was in Preschool, and they gave out colored paper to draw on, they'd always give out one blue piece of paper for every boy, and a pink piece for every girl -- and I'd always jump in and nab one of the pink ones.
I didn't really know until a few years ago. I may have known earlier if I weren't so busy trying to drive the "perverted faggot thoughts"(mother's words) out of my head. I might have understood how I felt since I was six. Besides that, I didn't actually come to accept it myself until three, five years ago.
I didn't put it together until college. Up until then I was busy pushing any feminine thoughts I had into the back of my mind where I often forgot about them. I was actually scared when it became apparent that lots of other trans* peeps knew for definite how they identified when they were really little. I was worried that I was making a rushed decision to transition, but so far it's been working out. It also addresses some of those issues I've had since childhood that I really couldn't figure out until I was much older.
I had no idea 'til I was 14, except for some vague memories I have that may or may not really mean anything. I always kinda feel like the only one who didn't know since birth. :P
I didn't realise until a few months ago (I'm 12 btw), but i do remember that i always hated nearly everything stereotypically female, well nearly everything. Add being non binary and still comfused, also, not knowing you weren't always the same gender as you were at birth. And yeah, i was (and still am) confused
Yeah, I felt very strange about my male body as well since like age 5, but I never had the courage to say it out loud. And I take no notes of "wishing occasions", as I wake up, agonize through the day, and go to bed with the consistent and persistant wish that I had just been born a girl and could have experienced growing up and going to school as any other cis girl, whom I've largely envied for that matter.
Imagine what it was like in 1970 for parents to hear from their 8 yr old only son / youngest child with older sisters (took then 10 years of trying to finally have a boy) that he wished he'd been born a girl instead. First thing they thought was that I must be on drugs... and I never even had my first beer until I was 18 and about to graduate high school. The drinking age was 18 in 1980.
I have always been stealth, even as a little kid. xD I don't have any real stories from when I was little. Mostly just refusing to play a girl in pretend games and hating skirts, dresses, and pink. I was always the tomboy, it was surprising that no one noticed my being FtM trans. When I came out my dad was like, "When did you start thinking about this?" and I said, "Probably around the age of 4 years old."
i also took every opportunty to make the same wish over and over (still do, haha), but it wasnt a gender thing. it was broader than that, more of a superpower (not shapeshifting, before you ask), but i definitely would have exploited the gender loophole right away.
ok that made no sense but its hard to explain without going into too much detail
I should probably tell my counselor about that
All the more reason that I'm happy with how far I've developed as a person through transition :)
The only memory I can pull from my childhood (although I do have pretty bad memory, so there's that) we when I was in Preschool, and they gave out colored paper to draw on, they'd always give out one blue piece of paper for every boy, and a pink piece for every girl -- and I'd always jump in and nab one of the pink ones.
But...
I don't think I have any other stories...
I didn't realize until my mid-30s. Complicated by being non-binary and not terribly dysphoric, plus a good helping of undiagnosed Asperger's.
I love the wish though. What a surprise. :D
ok that made no sense but its hard to explain without going into too much detail