Comic 446 - Source of Pain

27th Oct 2013, 10:58 PM in Ch. 17: Journey of 1,000 Miles
Source of Pain
Average Rating: 4.91 (11 votes)
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Author Notes:

Jocelyn 27th Oct 2013, 10:58 PM edit delete
Using Jessica to channel my feelings again, and address something more.

There’s a common trait I’ve noticed among many transfolk who begin transition later in life begrudging the younger generations who’ve had the opportunity to start in their teen years, preteen years, or even younger. I’ve done it myself in the past, but it’s a trait I didn’t like in myself (or anyone), so I’ve tried to get over it. I still suffer the occasional twinge of jealousy, but I’m a big girl, so I should really try to act like it.

Did I start transition later in life than I would have liked? Oh god, yes. Does that mean I’m unhappy now because I didn’t get to live the first 28 years of my life the way I wanted to? Yeah. But you know, I’m still the happiest I’ve ever been. All it really means is that I shouldn’t waste my time sulking and make the most of the next however many years I have left on this earth. I want to be happy. I want everyone else to be happy. Why would I (or anyone) begrudge anyone else that right?

While I’m on the subject of age, I want to stress to some of my older readers who wish to transition but have not: there is no right or wrong time to start. It’s not necessarily easier when you’re younger (so don’t think you’ve missed some arbitrary window), and it’s not necessarily harder when you’re older (I know people who have started in their 30s, 40s, 50s, and even 60s; they’re doing great). There’s also some myth I’ve heard a few times that hormones have no effect after age 25-35 (every time I hear it, the age varies). I want to debunk the hell out of this. I mean, I’m almost thirty (certainly over 25), and the effects I’ve experienced have been phenomenal (honestly, better than I’d hoped for). The same goes for many of the older trans folk I know. Perhaps it’s slightly less effective then it could have been, but I don’t for a moment believe there’s actually a cutoff when it just becomes outright ineffective.

In the end, if you want to transition – young or old – I think you should.

I’m preachier than usual, today. I guess I had a lot on my mind with this one. ^^;

Also, I posted a page yesterday by accident. If you missed it, you may want to check back a page. Regardless, I'm leaving things the way they are and continuing posts as usual. Don't expect a habit of this, but I'm neither going to take it down nor make you wait longer for the next page to compensate. I'm not going to punish you for my silly mistake. Just consider it a freebie. ^_^

Rain, all characters and all other aspects of the story are copyright material belonging to me.

Also, I'm saving for SRS, and to be perfectly honest, I could use your help! If you can, great. If not, don’t worry about it. I totally understand (you don't need to feel bad or apologize if you can’t).
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j-eagle12212012 27th Oct 2013, 11:53 PM edit delete reply

Thank you. Hearing and seeing that someone who is slightly older (I'm 26) can have such amazing results gives me hope that when I (hopefully) start hormones next month my experience will be good.
Shei-kun 28th Oct 2013, 2:53 AM edit delete reply
Jessica, and you, make many good points.

I still can't get over how much Rain cries, though. At least, the happy tears. The way it drives Jessica crazy is hilarious.

Someone needs to give her a kitty. Wait, that might make her cry, too. Nuts.
DocMesa 28th Oct 2013, 7:35 PM edit delete reply
Adorable though kitties are, Rain already has an extremely adorable bunny. ^_^
Jen Done (Tacopius) 28th Oct 2013, 4:27 AM edit delete reply
I am always jealous of the younger peeps with the more accepting family, but I'm also very happy for them :) Just seeing the world get better and better for peeps like us, and maybe contributing a bit to that myself, is very satisfying ^_^
Reilynne 16th May 2014, 3:10 AM edit delete reply
That's really comforting to hear actually, everyone keeps saying early 20's is the last window and I'm 22 but I don't know when my therapist will even allow me to start hormones. It's been making me really anxious, thinking I'm losing time. Thank you for saying otherwise <3
Sammy Morris 27th May 2015, 7:52 AM edit delete reply
I don't know if you get to read the older comments but this one has made me cry the most. Knowing there are people like us that are going through this. Knowing it's alright to be ourselves. Just wow..

Also your comments on here.. I am 34 and have come out only this year. I look and do get jealous of people who have had the courage to do this younger. But I have to focus on me being me..

Thank you again. Will keep reading (will check etsy for the shirts. )
Ruth 9th Aug 2016, 2:32 AM edit delete reply
I'm 54. My sister knew when I was 8 (she's 3 years older than me). I've only started coming out to some of my friends, some are perfectly ok with it, some are not. It's a difficult time for me for sure. My coworkers at my job suspect something's up to, but thankfully now, the system will give them a serious smackdown if they treat me adversely when I fully come out and the law here should protect my job finally. as well.
Zi 23rd Aug 2015, 10:55 AM edit delete reply
I came out to a friend on my 17th birthday, and over the next few months, to everyone. I started living full time the next school year (so, my senior year of high school). Even starting that early, I wish I had said something at least four years earlier... Like when we switched school districts.

I didn't get hormones until just after my 20th birthday. I have many features about my body I still hate, and part of waiting so long for hormones was my own fault. I had to put up with a lot of gatekeeping in my hometown, so I didn't feel ready to be put through that emotional wringer again. Then, when I finally worked up to getting an endocrinologist appointment, she wrote me a prescription on the spot. I could have easily started two years earlier than I did, and all because I was scared of being told to wait again, I put it off.

Would it have really made that much of a difference? I kind of feel so. Hormones are amazing, but mostly because they stopped my body from getting worse. My face changed over those years in ways I still fixate on. Sometimes I daydream about sanding down those bones that protrude in ways I hate, even if it is painful, even though it would destroy my skin. I hate them that much.

But I deal with it okay. I have a pretty good life. People care about me and I pass. I'm occasionally genuinely happy. I can't complain too much about my body.

I'm sorry... This really got away from me.
no 8th Nov 2020, 3:00 AM edit delete reply
I´m pretty young, but it still feels like every moment i don´t get hrt is a moment that slips away, another moment of irreversible puberty. It´s great to hear that that´s a myth and that i´m not losing anything.
AriaOfEffect 17th Sep 2021, 1:08 PM edit delete reply
Yeah, I gotta fight that envy too. It's neat that so many kids are getting to be themselves with relative ease these days, but I wish I could've been one, but realistically I (and most of the people around me) would've taken cracking much worse if it had happened even a couple years earlier. Better late than never.
JoGo82 19th Jul 2022, 8:40 AM edit delete reply
I agree with what Jess said. I’m happy for all the kids who get to live there real self and not have to hide in pain for years. I feel a little envy at times but I don’t hold anything against them, it’s just I wish I listened to myself when I younger. I’m now 39 and have been on HRT for almost 6 months and am loving the changes, with a lot of people saying that I’m looking really good and more like me. I really appreciate you articulating how many of us feel.
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