Comic 298 - Flashbacks

13th Dec 2012, 7:51 PM in Ch 12: Drab
Flashbacks
Average Rating: 4.88 (8 votes)
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Author Notes:

Jocelyn 13th Dec 2012, 7:51 PM edit delete
Jocelyn
I apologize, but I’m going to go into preachy PSA mode: Speaking as a transsexual, I honestly believe that if you are trans and plan on having a relationship with a cisgendered person (or anyone, really), then it is imperative that your partner know of your transgenderism. This is not a topic to be taken lightly. If you don’t feel like you can tell your partner your deepest secrets - and especially if you don't feel SAFE telling your partner - you might want to consider rethinking things a little.

I understand why transfolk try to hide it. I really do. But I don’t think it’s right, personally. I actually don’t think it’s fair to the cis person (whether they’d be accepting or not), and it’s potentially very dangerous for the transperson. And further speaking as a transwoman happily married to a ciswoman for over four years (and together over seven), I can vouch that having the freedom to talk about the subject at any time with her, has been an incredibly relevant aspect of our relationship. I don’t think we would’ve lasted if I had to keep telling lies and keeping secrets and internalizing all my problems to hide my being trans from her.

[/PSA Mode]

And seriously, sorry for that. I’ve heard too many real life stories of relationships between trans and cis ending really badly for exactly THIS reason to not want to bring it to light.

Anyway, big moment of clarification, as we see into Aiken’s head a little. In your opinion, is the guy completely irredeemable, or might there be hope for the guy yet?

Whew… mouthful today.

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Comments:

GigaNerd17 13th Dec 2012, 8:04 PM edit delete reply
GigaNerd17
O_O

I swear, this stuff deserves to be on the shelf next to Watchmen and V for Vendetta. Your plot twists are first-class.
Jadelynn 13th Dec 2012, 8:16 PM edit delete reply
Jadelynn
There is always hope. At least, I like to think so. Then again I'm pretty heavily into optimist mode right now, so...
Nightsky 13th Dec 2012, 9:28 PM edit delete reply
Nightsky
To be honest, I've had my suspicions about this all along. His silence was too serious for just rejected sex or a failed engagement, and given the theme of his appearance... well, yeah. Still, I was surprised to see my prediction come true.

I'd say there's hope. Aiken's reaction was intense because he learned that his relationship was based around a lie, especially one so big. No matter how much you love someone, that's pretty overwhelming. To me, his reaction at the time seemed to be more out of shock than outright intolerance.

It may make his initial reaction to Rain coming out a bit more negative than before, but they're siblings. It's a bit different since he doesn't necessarily fantasize about making love to him (or at least, I hope not o_O). Given time, he'll likely come to terms with it, and it may save his relationship with Jessie. (Also, I kinda want to see Jessie become a sister figure for Rain. ^_^)
Centcomm 13th Dec 2012, 9:58 PM edit delete reply
Centcomm
yeah. this is one of the most horrible outcomes of this type of problem. admittedly if you are going to be more that friends with a CIS person you have be honest even though it might cost you the person/ ;/ never a easy thing.
rachelevil 14th Dec 2012, 12:37 AM edit delete reply
This has potential to go very poorly. I know I've had to cut family out of my life before. It's never a pleasant thing to have to do.

As to your PSA... One discloses when they feel it is safe to do so. If one never feels it is safe to do so, then the relationship needs to be ended.
Anon 15th Dec 2012, 4:24 AM edit delete reply
I agree completely with your last two sentences.
Julia KaNeko 14th Dec 2012, 2:02 AM edit delete reply
Julia KaNeko
Am I the only one whose getting scared...?
AliJ5533 14th Dec 2012, 4:09 AM edit delete reply
AliJ5533
*Fist pumps* Called it!

But seriously, I agree with your PSA completely.
It may seem like telling them right at the start would cost you your chances with them completely, but it's really only fair on the other party.
Delorin 14th Dec 2012, 8:29 AM edit delete reply
Oh God, Jocelyn, don't have planned what I think you have planned! Please don't have Aiken see Rain trying on that dress! PLEASE!
Nightsky 15th Dec 2012, 12:53 PM edit delete reply
Nightsky
Early Jocelyn said that it actually never occurred to her, so I think we're safe.
Kitsune-kun 14th Dec 2012, 7:21 PM edit delete reply
I wish I had moneis to send you so you could try and make this a movie.
But, alas, I'm broke T~T

Seriously, this comic would be a great movie!!!
Noman 15th Dec 2012, 12:17 PM edit delete reply
As a cis who's relatively benign first meeting with a trans blew my mind. I have to completely agree with the PSA. It's hard enough for most people to accept without romantic emotions being involved. If they don't have a romantic attachment to you, then they just question you. If they have that romantic attachment, they also have to question themselves.

I don't think it's impossible for him to come around, but his first encounter was pretty devastating. When he finds out, there will be a very strong negative reaction. This could cause him to push Rain away completely. However, if done right, I think he can come around.
Aimy 16th Dec 2012, 12:41 AM edit delete reply
I'd say he has hope, but if he doesn't come around, it's going to be really bad for Rain. But if he does come around, he might be able to get back with his fiance. (fingers crossed)
Dan 6th Oct 2013, 12:44 AM edit delete reply
Called it! I knew Jessica would be trans.
Yeah...that's...kinda a big secret...and keeping secrets isn't good...eugh. Anyway. Glad my boyfriend and I are both trans. It also makes talking about trans stuff much easier.
Katla 31st Aug 2014, 12:42 PM edit delete reply
I knew this was coming from the 'something intense happened' conversation, but it was still painful to read. That makes it a good story, looking forward to seeing more!
Syrup 6th Sep 2014, 12:55 AM edit delete reply
aiken is now a disgusting worthless miserable excuse for a charachter in my eyes
Lauirie_A 8th Apr 2015, 6:28 PM edit delete reply
I'm a transgender (boybody, girl mind) and I think Aiken needs a boot to the heat the n when he waks up needs to be educated about us trans and how to live with us. I understand why Rain is dressing lik a guy and thought so all along.
Zi 16th Aug 2015, 12:38 PM edit delete reply
;_;
Guest 5th Nov 2015, 6:44 AM edit delete reply
No, not this "deceiving" bullshit again. Disclosing is purely up to trans person to decide what is best for her (or him, but trans women are way more heavily affected by this). Some fragile cis feelings do not come to it.
Transginger 21st Mar 2016, 7:11 PM edit delete reply
Transginger
That's mildly unfair. Everyone's feelings matter, not just us trans folks.
AmbiguousMouse 1st Apr 2016, 7:55 PM edit delete reply
It's more than a little unfair. Yes, deciding when to disclose is entirely up to a trans person, but so is dating somebody. It's not like with daily life where you have to interact with people no matter what so it's on you to be open or not, she met him on a *dating website.* Every single part of being in that relationship is something she explicitly went for and agreed to. And given that, if you aren't willing to out yourself to somebody, *you should not date them,* because you will be, in fact, misleading them, even if I wouldn't go so far as to say outright deceiving.

I go to a trans meeting group in my area about once or twice a week when I'm able. However, it has a policy of being open to everyone, regardless of if they're actually trans; that's just the main point of the place. (I've yet to meet any cis people there, for the record; there's just not supposed to be stigma about them hypothetically showing up, according to the organization's rules.) So if you go there, the implication is that anybody you meet is going to be a fellow trans person going for support, but there's no guarantee.

So you meet a person there, you two hit it off, and there's much empathy shared. Any chance that you thought they might not actually be trans (assuming you're given to such thoughts) is disspelled, because they seem to understand everything you're going through better than a cis person ever could. So you two start dating based off the emotional connection you formed over the supposed shared experience. Then you two decide to get married, but before the wedding, the person makes an offhanded remark revealing that they're cis, and well, they never really lied to you, since you'd made the assumption based on context without verifying it. And of course, as much as "there's nothing wrong with being trans" is the lesson most people need to learn, it's still true to say that there isn't anything wrong with being cis.

So, scenario above, do you feel betrayed? If not, you're very different from most people I know, which I won't label as a good or bad thing, it simply is what it is. If you would, though, then claiming that Aiken has no right to be offended is hypocritical.
RangerVI 1st Mar 2021, 2:38 PM edit delete reply
I'm going to go a slightly different direction than AmbiguousMouse did, the very next statement after "I actually don't think it's fair to the cis person" is about how dangerous it can be for the trans person.

I am quite fortunate to not have been in a situation where it would be directed at me, but a little while back I watched a trans person react to a bunch of transphobic TikToks, and the only recurring theme (as far as I remember) was wanting to commit hate crimes against trans girls who didn't tell them before hand.

The world is a dangerous place. And frankly, Jessica is lucky Aiken didn't react violently. Even though most of us probably know better, far too many trans people have surely been killed because they didn't tell their partner early on.

I agree that it's a trans person's choice if they're going to tell someone, but those "fragile cis feelings" can and have ended lives, so think twice before you try to tell someone else that they "don't come into it."
Transginger 21st Mar 2016, 7:14 PM edit delete reply
Transginger
I really want to say I didn't see it coming, but... I can't.

Also, I totally agree. My issue is three-fold.
1) I don't want to date friends for fear of something going wrong and ruining the friendship.
2) I have a hard time dating someone I haven't told about my trans-ness.
3) I have a really hard time telling people I don't know well about said trans-ness.

So it's this horrible cycle of not dating anyone, and it suuuucks.
Akane 15th Jun 2016, 11:19 PM edit delete reply
[PSA] I'm afraid I can deeply relate to this...being in quite the shoes of Rain, when I first started presenting as a girl, I got so carried away from being treated by a cis male as if I had always been a cis female, I never wanted to mention that my body still is, much to my dismay, still unchanged male...and when I did (far too deep into our building relationship, with far too intense emotions having already been sparked) I learned my own lesson the hard way for life, I was so heavily abused verbally I literally got scared for my life. [/PSA]

Wow...so now we know not just how ignorant Rain's brother is, but his previous encounter with a trans female, too...I positively honestly hope the next thing I see won't be him going up to "Ryan" like Gavin did to Rain in the beginning of the story!
Ben 21st Aug 2016, 1:59 AM edit delete reply
Ooooh! Holy shit!!!
Guest 6th Mar 2018, 3:54 PM edit delete reply
I was right! D:
Guest 12th Apr 2019, 10:33 PM edit delete reply
This page is an amazing use of the greyscale flashbacks rule of Rain. I saddens me that the physical books can never employ this sort of subtlety
Casey K 19th Oct 2020, 2:56 AM edit delete reply
Oh I totally understand. I've been married to my cis wife for 11 and a half years May 2008- January 2020. I came out to her in January 2020 so the last 6 months shes known me as I am now and it's great. We shop for clothes together and we bond better than we did before I started my transition. And shes been my biggest supporter this whole time.
Guest 2nd Mar 2021, 6:03 PM edit delete reply
I know this was all made almost 10 years ago, but I still cringe a little at the outdated terms used like "transgenderism" and "transsexual". Also coming out as trans is a choice, its less that people should have to, and more that they should know that it can be dangerous not to sometimes.
I do really love this comic though. Best wishes.
Jocelyn 3rd Mar 2021, 12:05 AM edit delete reply
Jocelyn
@Guest

Honestly, I agree with you wholeheartedly! Rain is a story about growing and learning, and I've done a lot of it myself over the years since these older pages. Fortunately, as you read on, you'll see less and less of those dated terms and ideals. ^_^
DahKohTah42 3rd Aug 2021, 3:39 PM edit delete reply
not to get personal, but, did you meet your wife before or after transitioning? i have a cis girlfriend myself, and while i haven't physically transitioned yet she has known the whole time and has always seen me as a girl
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