25th Oct 2021, 11:23 AM in Ch. 43 - Liriel's Daughter
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Average Rating: 5 (18 votes)
Author Notes:
Those moments when you're looking at something from a new angle, and you start to unlock an old memory, but it's not quite clear enough and you end up questioning whether it's even real or not.

This is deliberately hard to read in my attempt to emulate that. But because this may actually be too hard for some folks to decipher (and preventing people from reading it all isn't necessarily the goal), I'm gonna just include it down here too. (And someone who never reads the blurbs is absolutely going to ask what that middle part says.) ^^;

"I'm sorry if I was too harsh, princess. Never forget that I love you and that I will always accept you. I... I truly hope you get what you want someday."

Anyway, that seems a very different tone than "only girls can be mommies" or "it's a phase". Is it possible Liriel actually did say this and potentially knew what little Rain was trying to say more than we thought? Or is Rain's mind playing tricks on her again?

Rain, all characters and all other aspects of the story are copyright material belonging to me.

My next round of dental work is currently slated for November, but as I've discussed, I've still got a lot to save. If you can help, I will be very grateful. If not, no hard feelings. Thank you, either way.
User comments:
erebuslost (Guest)
My vision's gone hazy with the tears streaming down my eyes. 💜💜💜💜
Lex (Guest)
Here’s my take:

Rain’s mom at first though rain was only talking about being a “stay at home parent”, and associated that with the term mommy. When rain stormed off (pun intentional), rain’s mom realized what she actually meant and went to comfort her
Ryujenn (Guest)
D'awwwwwwww right in the feels!
Harper (Guest)
Alaris (Guest)
Well, I certainly hope that this isn't her memory playing tricks on her, but I've had false memories, so I can understand it being ambiguous in this situation.

It sounds like Liriel unfortunately fell in love with a truly terrible person, and she let that influence how she acted, at least around him.
Sam (Guest)
In this case, even if she is misremembering, would that be a bad thing? I mean, her mom is dead so if this memory brings Rain comfort, I don't think there's any harm in it.

I agree with the terrible person statement too- it seems Liriel fell in love with someone similar to her own parents, even though she held different beliefs personally. I love she's a really interesting character, even though she's been dead for this whole comic!
eh, i'm with Alaris. my dad died before i realized my sexuality, and even though i want to beleive he would have accepted me, not knowing for sure is always an issue. if Rain is misremembering this and then gets told it didn't happen, it could crush her self esteem.
Skydream (Guest)
"Better the illusions that exalt us than ten thousand truths" - Aleksandr Pushkin
interesting. i was taught that the quote means that any personal dream or goal that pushes us to better ourselves is better than allowing ourselves to wallow in the mundane. i'm not entirely sure how it fits this scenario.

good quote though
This gets me right in the feels, having had a few of these sorts of situations

And it's a perfect encapsulation of that feeling of remembering something you feel like you wouldn't have forgotten. The fact that new information opened up an extension of a memory is actually how most old memories are recalled.

So for anyone wondering if their suddenly recalled memories from new information are real, the chance is certainly in favor of that.
"Princess?" That kind-of says that Liriel had worked out exactly what Rain meant. The oddest things can trigger a buried memory - scent is an especially strong one, I've read somewhere! But I'm not sure you can determine that someone's assigned gender is wrong based on one outburst at six years old. If Rain is not misremembering, and Liriel did call her "Princess", I would say there was definitely other behaviour prior to the "Mommy" incident that might point to her being trans...?
Fox (Guest)
One of the first things my daughter said to me at 3 years old was "I'm a girl". At 6 we had her name legally changed due to the dysphoria caused by hearing her dead name and now at 9 she's getting ready to go on puberty blockers. I myself am an intersex trans man and so I know how important validating her is.
I hope Rain's memory is real, she deserves it to be.
I really hope she is unlocking a memory and remembering
I want her to have that memory be real
Kinkajou (Guest)
Is it intentional that Rain thinking "that's impossible, right?" is not in italics? If yes, is it because she's in shock that she didn't realize the memory before! Also, Jocelyn, this is a lovely comic, and you've probably heard this a million times, but this comic has taught me many things and helped me feel more comfortable as a queer girl. :)
Tani (Guest)
I'm reading that line as the thought came to her so suddenly she didn't think about her voice. It's happened a few other times if I'm not mistaken.
Sarah M (Guest)
Omg awwww way to make me cry 😭😭😭😭😭
Casey K
Aww... you're gonna make me cry in this chapter. This is amazing. I'm happy for her!!
Emily (Guest)
Calling it now, there's going to be some sort of video she recorded before her death that Rain gets to see now and she'll gender her correctly the whole time.
TK-Dragon (Guest)
I think Rain repressed almost all her memories from back then due to the trauma she suffered, with only a few of the bad ones that hurt sticking in her mind.
The part that makes me sad in all this is that even if Rain's hazy memory is accurate, that doesn't necessarily mean Liriel would have been accepting. Some people SAY they love you unconditionally, until it turns out there are actually conditions.
Some Ed
Or, as is frequently the case, especially with trans people, the person unconditionally loves the image they have of you in their mind. That's a very different thing than actually being loved, however.
Pixie (Guest)
and now i am bawling like a baby, cuz i wish my mother accepted me.
NazTheNeko (Guest)
I.... I'm not c-crying... who's cutting onions dang it TwT
Tanny (Guest)

Oh, she's gonna cry.
mio (Guest)
And name changes typically take a few months to get judged after you filed the appeal. So I think she’s good for today.

Let the tears rain!!
Tanny (Guest)
Yeah, I guess you are right on that account. I got my name change started before I turned 18 so I could schedule the new ID stuff on my 18th birthday, but not all states are as easy as mine to do that.
One of her earliest memories and quite traumatic beforehand, would make sense her memory is pretty unclear with gaps with things being unclear if its real or not. Know I've needed outside verification for memories.

Really hope Liriel left something that proves she figured it out and accepts Rain, which with likely pre-memory hints and finding out about the "Take it off" scene and seeing its likely effects wouldn't be too hard.
Why must you make me cry? 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
Infected Genes
This is fictional so I am going to give it a pass but the human mind is TERRIBLE at remembering stuff and the more any particular moment (which can encapsulate a whole day sometimes) is mulled over it will lead to new but false memories about the events to manifest so as to help create a stronger and clearer internal narrative of events.

However seeing as she didn't remember until this moment it could potentially be real because that moment itself wasn't mulled over but nothing with the human mind is ever clear.
so... what if Liriel leaves Rain a bunch of her old dresses and skirts?

what if one of them is her old wedding dress.
Katherine (Guest)
This page is...intense

In the best way
Dave The Squirrel (Guest)
I have my own theory. Some won't like it, but I've known it to happen. Rain may be remembering something she dreamed.We don't always consciously remember our dreams, but I've had thoughts come into my head that seem real, though I know they're not. I eventually figured out that they were dreams I'd had, sometimes long before. It may be significant that most of those dreams fell into the "wishful thinking" category.

If it helps Rain deal with life, no harm and no foul. I just hope nothing bursts her bubble.
R (Guest)
I just found this comic last night and started reading it on a whim. I’m a male Rain, so initially it was with the air of “this better not be a problem for my name, personally”, like researching my own potential Michael Bolton problem. That soon turned into “I sincerely hope this author has played Some Of My Personal Favorite JRPGs because if not the universe has clearly dealt us all a cruel injustice” (yeah Breath of Fire(s), but also Tales of the Abyss, lol). And that turned into 9 AM and I’ve read it all, sliding in just in time to avoid the unimaginably silly cliffhanger waiting for one last page would have been. Sweet story, cute art, great characters, and told with dedication and heart. Congratulations on completing it.

My praises go here because this page actually has my deadname on it. Top contender for Worst Deadname Ever imho, but I can usually tune it out. It’s not the only instance of the word in the comic, nor the only page that brought me to tears. But the combination of getting Ryaned with words I’ll likely never get to hear from a parent made this beautiful moment hit all the harder. I’ll be alright - I have a loving wife and accepting friends. But still. Even though it’s by coincidence: thank you for giving a sad little Princess a few cathartic seconds of a kinder life.
Morrigan Eldritch (Guest)
One of the reasons I connect with rain so much is my first memory... I was in the kitchen with two of my mom's friends, they were talking about being "stay at home moms" to which I exclaimed "I wanna be that!"

I got laughed out of the kitchen and felt super sad...

Over twenty years later just when I'm coming out in looking through my memories wondering if there were signs I missed, and I remembered that, buried really deep and couldn't tell if I was just making it up or not, I contacted my mom's friends and describing it in as little detail as possible my mom's friends filled in the blanks, it was real... I felt... Relieved

I had repressed so many memories, becoming such a good actress I fooled myself, knowing there were pieces of the real me shining through all along in little hints did wonders for my own mental health
Ember (Guest)
I swear I'm just cutting onions, honest! Ok this one went all the way and had me in tears so fast! A wonderful revelation that her mom may have really been supportive after all!
Sh-she called her princess. How have I never noticed that?