Rain
Comic 1425 - Eighteen
Author Notes:
I do also wanna reiterate that I'm new to drawing babies, so I don't know if Lydia looks too big or too small for a month old (or if she's too "active" in panel 6). Forgive me if it's very off. I'm not a mom myself, I'm a youngest child, and although I've got friends with kids, I was never really around the one month phase. I'm just doing the best I can here. ^^;
I did want to have Lydia in a yellow onesie, though. Not pink. Not blue. Something distinctly less gendered as Emily implied she wanted to do.
©2004-2021
Rain, all characters and all other aspects of the story are copyright material belonging to me.
My next round of dental work is currently slated for November, but as I've discussed, I've still got a lot to save. If you can help, I will be very grateful. If not, no hard feelings. Thank you, either way.
https://gofund.me/bc702c0d
However, I could easily see it as Emily actually putting Lydia's arms on her shoulders as a way of kinda hugging her. So with that in mind, its a non-issue.
Hope the true family feels continues with siblings further in the day and Mother's will.
Maybe Emily's mom, if we see Rain's dad later this chapter, but not Chase.
In order to practice my writing (and not at all since the pandemic's had me cooped up for so long, I'm starting to lose it) I decided to do a writing exercise where I put to words what I'd like to say to her. And holy cow. I knew I had pent-up anger - I follow US politics, for crying out loud! - but what came out was petty, unfair, and cruel. Usually I'm glad to get any writing done, but this was miserable. As is knowing I had such viciousness in me. I guess it really goes to show that hate's a venom, and if you don't let it go it can poison you. Cliche but true.
But what's the alternative to hating Kellen? Forgiving her?
OPEN LETTER
Dear Kellen Flaherty,
Do you know the old proverb? "If you ever drop your keys into a river of molten lava, let 'em go, because man, they're gone." That's the state of your relationship with Rain.
Because guess what? You never had to get it. You never had to understand, approve, or even tolerate. The only thing you had to do was not try to destroy the most important thing in the world to her so you could feel better. Since that was too much to ask, you don't deserve to be in her life.
And no, I'm not talking about her hair. Don't you dare hide behind "it's just hair" one more time. This was never about the hair and you know it. You didn't cut her hair out of a sudden, overwhelming interest in midnight barbery. You cut her hair to put an end to the girl thing. Ruin it so thoroughly, she'd have no choice but to abandon it.
Y'know, as much as Rain loves Aunt Fara and Emily, I believe either of them would willingly step away from her life if things somehow came to a choice between them or the girl thing. That's because they love her too, and while that doesn't mean blind support of everything Rain wants to do, they recognize said girl thing genuinely means the world to her. They know she's not going to just get over it, and however much they'd hurt to not have Rain by their side, they know it'd be selfish to make the kid live in misery just so they could get what they want.
You, of course, decided it would infringe upon your precious precious feelings to sleep for one night under the same roof.
At this point you may be marshaling your excuses to pretend you didn't do what you did. It's just a hobby, it's a stupid little game, he's just bored of what he's born with, he's just playing dress-up, it can't be THAT important. All such talk adds up to one thing: Rain couldn't possibly have felt all that hurt, humiliation, and fear, because you say so. In which case holy shit, I had no idea you get to decide what other people feel! ALL HAIL KELLEN FLAHERTY, ARBITER OF REALITY! Man, philosophers have spent millennia going over: "How can we know the truth?" and all along, they should've just asked you! Boy, must they feel like chumps.
Or perhaps you're defiant? You're saying: What he's doing is disgusting, it's an embarrassment, I'm doing him a favor by trying to bring him back to reality. In which case, Rain's pet rabbit eats its own crap, that's disgusting too, are you going to run it over? I'm not facetious, I'm horrified by what else you're going to do to people you find disgusting since apparently that gives you a blank check.
Look. I'm actually a lot like you, so I think I know how it went: You're a functioning adult. You knew Rain would hate you, you'd deserve it, and that's all you'd accomplish. But you just couldn't stand how things were. So you told yourself: But I'm doing what's right. I'm helping him. Wouldn't it be wrong if I didn't help him? And you did this until you took the excuse. You knew it was an excuse, but you just couldn't bear to tell yourself no, so you went out and did Rain and yourself nothing but harm. And you did it with a smile.
If I'm right and you really are like me, do yourself a favor: Get this under control. Rein it in, and fast, before you have even more regrets. Then stamp down on it, crush it underfoot, chain it down, wall it in in the darkest corners of your mind, and never let it out again.
And if I'm wrong, magnificent, and here's another point: You're aware that if someone who's been going to school for months as a girl, is known to all the students and staff as a girl, suddenly comes to school as a boy, well, she might as well save the bullies some time by hammering her own head against the wall and breaking her own ribs. Did you just not give a shit about this, as long as you got what you wanted? Or did you think Rain had it coming, serves 'em right for acting like a weirdo?
Rain, of course, was also aware of this. You'll be happy to know she was talked out of dropping out of high school over it. The fact that you couldn't even cut her hair right helped: You left it salvageable. Of course, the fact that the RMS Raintanic dodged the iceberg does precisely jack to make it better that you put it there. Disaster was averted in spite of your efforts, not thanks to them.
Unless, Miss It's-just-hair, you've decided that since you think it's absurd for someone to take it this hard, clearly Rain didn't actually take things this hard. In that case I can only bow to your wisdom, Arbiter.
How about being able to walk out of her front door without fear?
But you love Rain, doesn't that count for anything? Of course it does! Sadly, so does the fact that Rain's had her share of knocks. She doesn't need to be looking over her shoulder waiting for your next trick. And she certainly doesn't need you to bawl at her that you're sorry, you'll do better, it's that sometimes she makes you so angry...
But here's the good news: Your love for her will wither and die, and you'll no longer grieve that you're not part of her life. Take it from me, I've been there. Blood is thicker and love powerful, but time's stronger. One day, years from now, you'll realize it's been too long, and you no longer love Rain. You'll remember loving her, you'll fervently wish you did, you'll wish things had been different, but it'll be too late. Just like it's already too late now.
Or if that doesn't comfort you, since family's so important to you, take solace in knowing that you're always and forever truly your father's daughter.
Yrs respectfully, etcetera.
(But then, I'm definitely a ruffles-and-lace girl...)
...my heart <3