Comic 1022 - In Front

14th Feb 2018, 10:40 AM in Ch. 34 - Promise
In Front
Average Rating: 5 (7 votes)
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Author Notes:

Jocelyn 14th Feb 2018, 10:40 AM edit delete
Enough is said on the page, so I'll keep things simple down here. Agree or disagree? Do you think this will sink in with Drew? And do you think there's still a chance it could work between him and Ky?

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Gigglebox1318 14th Feb 2018, 11:09 AM edit delete reply
This. So much this. We need more basic human respect and decency in the world...
DocMesa 14th Feb 2018, 11:32 AM edit delete reply
As the token cis, straight (ish) guy among my LGBT friends, I can confirm this is pretty much how it works. I look out for my friends because they're my friends.
summer 14th Feb 2018, 12:28 PM edit delete reply
there is definitely a chance for Drew and Ky to be an item. all he really has to do is give a very sincere apology. and honestly I feel like he is really taken what Gavin is saying to heart. I know how it feels to be misunderstood by someone but if Ky sees Drew making an effort to understand them then everything should be fine.
Charlotte 14th Feb 2018, 1:49 PM edit delete reply
This all being said, if someone doesn't understand or believe that I'm the gender I say I am, they have no business being my friend, much less dating me. This is okay advice for how to be a decent person, but terrible for actually being close with a trans person
Jocelyn 14th Feb 2018, 2:24 PM edit delete reply

When did Gavin say he didn't "believe" his friends are what they say they are? The guy's talking about how much respects and listens to his friends. Not believing them would imply the opposite. So I'm kinda confused about what he said that's "terrible". O_o

Do you mind elaborating?
Charlotte 14th Feb 2018, 2:55 PM edit delete reply
I'm sorry, didn't mean to suggest what Gavin said is terrible - its good advice for being a good person and not hurting people.
However, Drew needs to do a lot more than just not hurt Ky if their relationship is to work. If he doesn't actually believe them when they say they are a boy during boy mode, but instead treats it like a weird quirk he has to accept and tolerate about "her", then he's not in love with the real Ky. No amount of respecting pronouns can change that.
Charlotte 14th Feb 2018, 3:00 PM edit delete reply
I guess what I'm trying to say, which might just be a disconnect on what terms mean to us, is that respect isn't a substitute for believing and understanding.
Jessica Bright 14th Feb 2018, 5:16 PM edit delete reply
I don't see him saying he doesn't believe them. He pretty clearly believes them to me.

He IS saying he doesn't understand everything and doesn't have their personal experience, but that doesn't preclude him being able to respect them or listen to them and not do things that piss them off.
Anastasia 14th Feb 2018, 5:17 PM edit delete reply
Yeah, I read it this way too.

On some level, it does require people to change their worldview to accept LGBT people. Most people seem to default to "assigned gender is forever and you can only be attracted to the 'opposite' gender". To actually accept people who don't fit that limited worldview would require a change of world view.
Charlotte 14th Feb 2018, 7:57 PM edit delete reply
I suppose I projected my frustration with cis "allies" onto this page - I've run into too many people who've claimed to respect my identity only to later confide that they'll never see me as anything but my assigned gender. Its made me a bit distrusting of people who bemoan how "confusing" trans issues are.
Drake Zephyr 15th Feb 2018, 11:31 AM edit delete reply
Drake Zephyr
I'm a cis/straight ally, and I accept people as the gender they say the are. Just know, that a lot of cis people could probably never understand what a trans person is really feeling, but we can still try to be there when they need help or a shoulder to cry on. So even though we see trans issues as really confusing, we still try to be good friends and allies. I have a trans friend named Kyle, and though I'll never completely understand his mindset, I can still be a good friend to him. So just understand that it is normal for cis or straigt people to not totally understand trans people, but most of the time we still try our best to make the effort of understanding them, even though we might come off as rude or misunderstanding.
Jessica Bright 15th Feb 2018, 4:35 PM edit delete reply
I feel ya, i've run into it too but don't forget where Gavin started from. He's come a long way imho and I don't think he's quite saying the same thing the people in your example are.

Super sucks you have to deal with those people. For myself, what I find confusing is why it seems so hard for these people sometimes to just show basic decency and respect.
DocMesa 16th Feb 2018, 8:02 PM edit delete reply
I like things to be straightforward and simple and one of the best ways to keep things straightforward and simple with others is to trust them. If someone says they are XYZ, then XYZ is what they are to me. After all, they've lived with their thoughts, feelings, identity, etc, etc for years and if nothing else, I find it extremely rude to assume you know someone else better than they know themselves. I hate it on the occasions when people make assumptions about me, even being cis/straight/male as I am.
MeWho 14th Nov 2018, 5:06 PM edit delete reply
A really close friend from high school ( like, we dated, though a lot of that was just hanging out and talking to each other about our feeling ) figured out she was gay once she went off to college and encountered other people her age who were gay. She was really afraid to tell me, thinking I would be all hurt and feel betrayed. I had gone off to the Navy, which is a whole NOTHER level of figuring yourself out, and I pretty much figured she was likely to find someone else, maybe a couple of times over. So when we finally got a chance to get together, and I met her girlfriend, and we all sat around and talked, she was still pretty amazed. Also, that her girlfriend really liked me. But their conclusion was that I was actually just gay, and couldn't accept that. It wasn't what I felt, and though I thought my gender dysphoria issues were kinda complicated, it did leave me open to other people who felt different. But Chris and Nancy were pretty adamant that I should try hanging out with some gay men to 'see what happened'. And they weren't trying to be disrespectful; there just wasn't a lot of info out there, or awareness of the kind of equality issues that are pretty much a common part of college life now. ( This was 2nd half of the 70s ) So, since these were people I cared about, I respected their attempt at being helpful. Uhhmm, sleeping with a gay guy I trusted did NOT change how I felt about my body, if anything, it only reinforced that. Thank god Randy was as cool as I had been assured; he didn't get overly pushy, and we did indeed JUST Sleep together. I think he was kinda disappointed, but at least I had gained a new penpal. He was impressed that his Himalayan kitties found me trustworthy; he was one of the early breeders, and had experience with them being very skittish of most everyone. And all of this is yet another part of how I ended up where I have. Not only wasn't genderfluid a known concept then, but gay people had a hard time accepting that someone could feel they were the wrong gender. ( There are STILL some in the community that seem to have a problem with it...)

Anyway, I am very happy to have been pointed to Rain, and feel it is everything Bridget told me it was.
Charlotte 4th Mar 2022, 3:40 AM edit delete reply
I know I'm four years late here, but I'm really surprised to see another Charlotte here! Twins :)
Elliot 15th Feb 2018, 6:43 PM edit delete reply
“You lied to me. To everyone here, and in the whole school. I want no part of this.” —Gavin, upon first encountering Rain’s transness.
He’s come a long freaking way, and I am so proud. Gavin is a great character.
Guest 15th Feb 2018, 10:07 PM edit delete reply
Wow, the art went such a long way too!
Leah 24th Mar 2019, 9:13 AM edit delete reply
Yes! Gavin has become such a good ally and I'm so proud of him.
That one person 16th Feb 2018, 9:51 AM edit delete reply
When it comes to this kind of stuff I don't get it. Especially when people say to use they them pronouns. To me it doesn't make sense especially since the pronouns used are for more than one person. You personally can't be more than one when you are you.
Viri 15th May 2019, 1:06 AM edit delete reply
Not necessarily.

"The friend I talk to on Discord is having a rough time. Their dog got really sick and we're not sure how serious it is, but a vet bill would be devastating for them."

"I heard that a kid left their math book at home last year and Mr. X really chewed them out for it."

They/Them is used for a single person when the gender of the person is not known or readily apparent. For people who do not feel like they fit neatly into either of the two big pre-defined ideas, being neutral about it like this can make a world of difference. Also hate to tell you this, but a person can feel like they are more than one gender. They are one person, but multiple genders. Oh look, there's the singular "they" again.
Waffle 17th Sep 2022, 3:49 PM edit delete reply
Careful there, Gavin. There have been at least four times I've declared that I didn't understand something (such as transness) and then later learned that it was something I had or was. So now "I'm never gonna fully get" gets a reflexive "are you sure?" from me.

(So far, "I don't understand what it would be like to get a million dollars" hasn't worked, but who knows.)
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