Comic 972 - Shame

12th Jul 2017, 4:02 PM in Ch. 33 - The Calm
Shame
Average Rating: 5 (5 votes)
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Author Notes:

Jocelyn 12th Jul 2017, 4:02 PM edit delete
Jocelyn
Oof. I know this one is an emotional roller-coaster, but I believe it's important for a lot of reasons.

I don't want to say much about the above as I'd rather leave you to offer your own commentary. But I should probably point out the flashback panel on the second page, giving a brief unclear image of Ky and Heather's mom (one of the worst - if not THE worst - parental figure in the story). I don't plan on going too much into her beyond this in this main story (because it's kind of just in the past and not terribly relevant overall), but there's a little further talk about their mother in the bonus chapter of Volume 3. The panel itself is a scene from there.

Beyond that though, regarding everything else. I'd rather hear your thoughts. On Drew. On Ky. On what this means for the future of these characters? This is potentially very sensitive subject matter for a lot of people though, so please be mindful of that and respectful of your fellow readers. Thank you.


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Comments:

Locke mage 12th Jul 2017, 4:36 PM edit delete reply
Drew you done fucked up
BlackSocks 12th Jul 2017, 4:37 PM edit delete reply
BlackSocks
(puts on sailors hat)
Laaaaast stop! Everyone debark the SS Dry!
...seriously though, Ky deserves better.
Tracy 12th Jul 2017, 5:07 PM edit delete reply
That was so unfeeling, stupid, and obtuse, dude. You hurt Ky. You need to apologize sincerely, and then leave them ALONE, or man up and accept Ky for who Ky is.
Sapphire Shield 12th Jul 2017, 5:43 PM edit delete reply
Sapphire Shield
I'm sad to see them split up, but I know from personal experience when people aren't compatible.
mecaterpillar 12th Jul 2017, 5:50 PM edit delete reply
Ky doesn't mention what happened as a reason to not be together but rather names the incompatibility of Drew wanting to stay in the closet and Ky wanting to be out in the open. I found that interesting, and, I think, shows that Ky is already seeing that there's no future to a relationship between the two of them and Ky wants to clearly convey this to Drew. While Drew could potentially apologize and make up for his comment in panel 1 of the first page here, there would still not be a future between them unless, exactly as Ky said, at least one of them changes. Ky managed to think this through quite quickly and did what's best given the situation. I, for one, commend his actions here.
mecaterpillar 12th Jul 2017, 5:56 PM edit delete reply
I commend Ky for thinking things through (and explaining them) so quickly and calmly on the second page here. I don't think I would be that clear with my thinking and explanations if I were in the same situation.
bgb16999 12th Jul 2017, 5:58 PM edit delete reply
bgb16999
I know Ky is upset, and rightfully so, but personally I think them breaking up will be good for Ky in the long run. Drew is completely wrong for Ky. The upshot is that this is happening now, and not at prom.
Guest 12th Jul 2017, 6:28 PM edit delete reply
Urgh. Hits quite close to home with me here, even though it was a very different situation in my case.

I was quite shellshocked at the time that i have feelings for my own gender (and i NEVER was so badly in love with someone before). And it was all about a "person" that was uncomfortably similiar to Drew here. Having this nice soft side paired with this goddamned stupidity and the utter cowardice. It was a constant back and forth between making veiled advanced towards me (which triggered all that in the first place) and kicking me methaphorically in the guts to protect his stupid image, while masterfully avoiding any confrotation about that - By hurting me otherwise purely to "change" the discussion theme, or simply just telling me that i imagine things...

And each time when i said to myself "im finished" he came and did something super sweet and i was back over head in this fucked up from day one hate/love "relationship". Love makes blind - /sigh.

Wish i had this comic with this particular page in it back then. Would have helped me realizing this. In my case it ended as badly as it could, with me, boiling with anger 24/7, just trying to get as far away from this stupid asshole as possible before doing something that i would regret for the rest of my life.

Worst thing is, that im still not completely over it.

Sorry for blabbing so much. All i can say that it a hallmark of a good story to cause such feelings. Even if those feelings suck ;) /sigh
Cerberus 12th Jul 2017, 7:11 PM edit delete reply
Yay, good for Ky for jumping ship on this.

Not because Drew is shit, but because it is unfair to ask them to be mistreated and treated as an afterthought whose duty it is to guide Drew through to accepting his queer identity and role in the community.

Drew needs to spend hours googling and learning to love himself. Needs to learn how to care and love a partner and accept them. Needs to read about trans stuff and queer stuff and unpack all the garbage he was forcefed. Needs to find a place where he can be less paralyzed by the fear of being seen as he is.

And it is not on Ky to do that. To be that for him. It's not on anyone he might wish to date.

And that's okay. Some people aren't ready to date yet. Need to figure out their shit first so they can be a caring and loving partner who celebrates their partner's identity. Maybe future Drew and future Ky might try again like Vincent and Fara did. Maybe not. But current Drew and current Ky need to go their separate ways.

And I'm glad that Ky got their moment of awesome in it. To state exactly what has been so hurtful about his actions and the context they exist in. Because that's what Drew needed most to grow and evolve.
Anon 12th Jul 2017, 7:21 PM edit delete reply
Admittedly I, a cisgender male, would be pretty comfortable with wearing a dress if society was cool with it (not comparable to Ky's situation per say but still). However it IS Ky's feelings that matter here, poor... everyone really. People should get what they want and be happy, but reality bites. This does seem like the... least damaging version of events possible.
Dream of a Pebble 12th Jul 2017, 8:30 PM edit delete reply
Not comparable at all. A man wearing a dress is still a man, regardless of how the society looks at him; a trans person of whatever flavour pretending to be a wrong gender is fighting their dysphoria. For instance, I stopped feeling horrible in a suit and tie *after* I gave up trying to be a man.
Nicky1968 12th Jul 2017, 10:13 PM edit delete reply
Interesting... I had to wear suit and tie for one event a few months after I went fulltime (long story). And I was actually surprised that it didn't really bother me. I much preferred to go back into girlmode on the next day though. But while I was in boymode I remained in a good mood, and even was much more outgoing than I ever was while presenting male.
Reimi 12th Jul 2017, 8:14 PM edit delete reply
Reimi
This was the ending I expected for these two, but I kinda expected it to happen at prom, not here...
Some Ed 12th Jul 2017, 9:56 PM edit delete reply
Ditto. Yay for this happening now. So much better for both of them. :)
bgb16999 12th Jul 2017, 9:57 PM edit delete reply
bgb16999
Ky is upset, and understandably so, but overall I think this breakup will be good for them in the long run. Drew is completely wrong for Ky. The upshot is that Ky is finding this out now, and not when they are at prom and Ky is dysphoric.

If Ky still wants to go to prom with the rest of the group, they can probably go with Maria. If not, Ky would still probably be happier staying home on prom night than going with Drew and suffering dysphoria and Drew's unsympathetic outlook.
Tierce 14th Jul 2017, 12:12 AM edit delete reply
Ky can't go with Maria--setting aside the possible school authority issues based on Ky's gender identity & presentation day-of--because Maria's not a senior and Ky goes to a different school.
Tierce 14th Jul 2017, 12:20 AM edit delete reply
And oh bother, you said Maria and I read Nelly. Sorry!
Kira/Connor 12th Jul 2017, 10:50 PM edit delete reply
I'm a non cis person who has used all three pronouns, but prefers they them. I relate a lot to Ky and I know how difficult it is to have to accommodate society and fight it all at the same time. I hated being forced to wear skirts in my younger years at catholic school, and had no words to describe my extreme discomfort. I usually swing mor masculine then feminine most days, but I rarely ever hit the extreme ends of the spectrum, existing mostly in that gray zone.

Anyway, there is nothing wrong with being in the closet, but I made a promise to myself that I would never go back in myself. I do have friends in the closet, but I avoid their families to avoid accidentally outing them by association or calling them by their birth name. I also will not date someone who is not out comfortable being out with me. It might be different if they are out at college but not at home because we are all away from home and family isn't really present, but for the most part, I refuse to hide myself.

I think Ky is making the best decision for themselves. Drew' not a bad guy, but if he wants to be in a relationship with someone like Ky, he's gonna have to do a little more research on this. Not saying he has to shout acceptance from the roof tops, but he can't make ignorant comments or out them to people to save his own skin. And Ky needs to what's best for their own well being and peace of mind.

I was rooting for these two though, so, super sad, but also super proud of Ky. I dated a straight cis guy for my first relationship. He wasn't super ignorant, but sometimes he brought up my anatomy and female biology in ways that felt I was being put into a box. Like, "your still biologically female so XY and Z." It wasn't as harsh as that sounds in text, but it still bothered me and I let it slide. Maybe it was because it was my first relationship, but whatevs. Go Ky for looking out for themselves, because loving yourself enough to fight for yourself is a lot harder than you may think.

I hope Drew learns something from this and takes away some hard learned lessons about respect, boundaries, understanding, and just paying attention to your partner, that can be applied to future relationships, platonic or otherwise, no matter their gender, gender expression, or sexuality.
Drumada 13th Jul 2017, 12:57 AM edit delete reply
So I just had the craziest idea. What if prom night turns out to be a boy night for Ky, so hes there in a tux, but Drew feeling so bad for what he said, shows up in a dress? I feel like they could still get away with going together like that
dani 13th Jul 2017, 1:31 AM edit delete reply
Drew is too scared about the social repercussions ( being lectured by teachers for the "prank", the teasing from his classmates, especially with the "joking comments" his friends have done to him about being queer)on doing something like that
Drumada 13th Jul 2017, 2:34 AM edit delete reply
I totally agree. But thats what would make it even more shocking, perhaps after a while of brooding between this moment and prom is when Drew finally realizes he doesn't care what everyone thinks. I feel like Drew is definitely going to end up evolving pretty good in one direction or another, I mean he is in the banner at the top of the site after all, being the only one (so far at least) thats not really part of their group to be so
... 13th Jul 2017, 3:20 AM edit delete reply
Ugh, like it's bad enough getting stuff like this from every single cis guy irl, but it's seriously depressing when there isn't even any fiction to escape to. is it seriously too much to ask for a single portrayal of a happy healthy trans/nb relationship involving a cis guy.
dani 13th Jul 2017, 4:26 AM edit delete reply
It doesn't involve a cis guy ,but may I recommend the cómic "sister claire" ( it's a fantasy adventure with a focus on all female and queer cast)
Cerberus 13th Jul 2017, 8:46 AM edit delete reply
Would Gavin/Anna count?
Elaine 13th Jul 2017, 10:14 PM edit delete reply
Questionable Content is super long term and any given ship may end, but I like how it's done that so far
Me 14th Jul 2017, 10:55 AM edit delete reply
I'd recommend reading Cinderella Boy on tapas. It might not be a comic, but it shows a happy relationship of that kind (in the end).
DandelionWishes42 25th Jul 2017, 3:11 PM edit delete reply
I don't know of any fiction to recommend other than what's already been mentioned, but I'm in a real-life relationship like you describe (I'm nonbinary and pan, and my boyfriend is largely cis and straight), and I would also love to see more relationships like this depicted in fiction. I'm planning to write my own webcomics someday, and I'll make sure to include such portrayals :)
Alyssa33e 13th Jul 2017, 4:19 AM edit delete reply
Ugh. Drew needs to quit worrying about what other people think. Drew will never be happy in this instance or any other u til he can not need validation from other people that don't matter. This is partly why I didn't start transitioning 25 years ago!
nebulaeandstars 13th Jul 2017, 10:42 AM edit delete reply
Drew seriously messed up here, and Ky has every right to be upset, but as somebody who constantly has experiences like Ky's, I've learned that more often than not ignorance is worth forgiving.

If somebody is struggling to understand your perspective it is likely due to their upbringing, and so as long as somebody is TRYING to understand, depending on the person it might be worth helping them learn and grow. If they upset you it is important that they know.

From Drew's reaction it seemed as though he still has no idea what being genderfluid actually means. He still doesn't know how important this is, even if he does understand that there isn't any choice involved.

Ky has no obligation to Drew whatsoever, but I think that we as readers should let him figure this out. He has been incredibly crappy, but he still doesn't realise it. Hopefully seeing Ky break like that, seeing how hard his words can hit, will finally give him the push he needs to come to terms with himself.
DocMesa 13th Jul 2017, 4:25 PM edit delete reply
What a waste. Drew, you had a chance of happiness with someone that was fun, confident and really cute/handsome/attractive...and you let other people's opinions wreck it for you. The thing is, even with this act of self-sabotage, *those other people will still give you crap anyway*. Not because of anything *you* say or do but because *those other people* are assholes.

The saddest bit? One day you'll realise this. One day you'll realise what you just threw away to try and get them to like you and you will loathe them for it.

I was really hoping for a different ending. Not because Drew and Ky would be a good couple but because Drew had a chance to be a happier and better person and he threw it away for assholes that don't give a damn about him.
Lex-Kat 16th Jul 2017, 4:54 AM edit delete reply
Lex-Kat
I'm just going to the "Drew effed up" train. Woo woo!!

Ky does deserve something better, and Drew almost could be that, if he'd just stop worrying over what others think, and care, actually CARE about Ky's feelings.
Guest 16th Jul 2017, 6:24 AM edit delete reply
This was published on Mubarak birthday!!!! I just wanna say I LOVE your comic!!
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