Comic 799 - Who's Your Friend?

23rd Feb 2016, 11:04 PM in Ch. 28: Love, Trust, and Respect
Who's Your Friend?
Average Rating: 5 (5 votes)
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Author Notes:

Jocelyn 23rd Feb 2016, 11:04 PM edit delete
Jocelyn
Kind of a rough situation, actually. I myself have somewhat mixed feelings. Like, in a way, I feel for Drew. Back in my high school days, before I accepted myself or came out to anyone, I too, would've vehemently denied being exactly what I am. If you're still questioning, or just aren't ready to come out, I don't think it's unreasonable to try and cover it up. Especially in a situation like this. Maybe Holly on her own is harmless, but she is gossipy. Devon meanwhile, can be a little hard to read; Drew had no reason to think he'd be willing to ignore the whole thing (I wouldn't exactly call it acceptance though). And if you're not 100% sure, letting someone in on your secret when you see them everyday can be a little risky. After all, that kind of disclosure has blown up in Drew's face before...

BUT!

Let me make it clear that what Drew just did here is still completely wrong, and that Ky is well within his right to be upset. Not only did he compromise Ky's right to come out on his own terms (if he wanted to), by outing him to save his own behind. Drew also trivialized what Ky does, by calling it something he "likes to do". I mean, Drew is new to a lot of these concepts, and Ky isn't always the best at expressing himself, but they've talked about this before.

So yeah, this is a pretty crappy situation for both of them. But where do things go from here? Would Ky forgive Drew? Will Devon and Holly actually keep this to themselves? What are your feelings coming out of this page?


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Comments:

Reimi 24th Feb 2016, 12:17 AM edit delete reply
Reimi
Dang it Drew. >_< Welp, it had been too drama free for so long that something had to happen.
j-eagle12212012 24th Feb 2016, 11:29 AM edit delete reply
j-eagle12212012
True it has been to Drama free.
Drew really needs to figure things out soon before he loses someone special
Zii 24th Feb 2016, 12:23 AM edit delete reply
Ky... That sucks so much. I understand that Drew panicked, and I know, he ignored your feelings. It's well within your right to move on.

I do think things will have to be handled delicately on both ends to make this work. Ky, you're a great resource for Drew to learn and become a better person, but you can decide for yourself if you still want a relationship with Drew. You're already being incredibly patient and understanding. Just know someone out there can understand you, even if Drew can't.

That said, Drew could always grow into a person who understands you. He's willing to try, and this was a big challenge for him. He has room for improvement, but it's possible this will help him grow and no lasting impact will come of this.

People are messy. As others have shown, there's a chance for redemption, and I think Drew has a high chance of getting there, since he seems pretty open to learning.

And, yes, I did write in second person to a fictional character. It felt right.
HeavensRev 24th Feb 2016, 2:12 AM edit delete reply
HeavensRev
In a way though you gotta understand the kid's still new at this so he is prone to make mistakes. She has the right to be mad yes, anyone does, but take note this kids been teased about so much and on top of that he himself is utterly confused.
Luna 24th Feb 2016, 2:34 AM edit delete reply
Uh oh... crap's just blown up right now...
To be fair, Drew's main flaw is that he's very self-conscious and cares a lot about what other people think of him, placing his self-worth in their hands instead of his own. He's young, he's questioning his own identity, and he's just learnt a large secret about Ky (which he definitely shouldn't have blabbed, and Ky is right to be upset) which is probably very confusing for him, as he has been raised to believe about only the two binary genders, and that homosexuality is a sin- two things which are now becoming disproven for him, much to his confusion. I wouldn't be surprised if Ky dumped him, but I'm finding myself hoping that, after the anger and distance that is sure to follow (Ky's probably feeling extremely betrayed right now, and I'd feel the same if someone outed me in front of people who I wouldn't out myself to) that they are at least able to salvage a friendship, even if it doesn't get back to the level it was before.
Lemonado Girl 24th Feb 2016, 2:50 AM edit delete reply
Lemonado Girl
While Drew was kinda shitty to do that there is the fact that Devon and Holly showing up was shaping up to go incredibly poorly for Drew and he needed a way out on the spot. Faced with this QTE-eqsue manner of problem, any human mind immediately calls upon the availability heuristic-what's the first solution to come to mind? The trouble with this is that the brain, under that pressure, doesn't check to see if executing that solution is actually a good idea. Essentially, while most people would like to think they wouldn't do what Drew did while in that situation, they probably would-pressure like what he faced in that moment leads to very bad improv from most people. Now by no means am I saying Drew wasn't wrong to do so, I'm just saying that it was practically instinctual-which means he needs to work on reshaping those instincts to be more scrupulous. However, now that the pressure is off, there's a chance to salvage the situation and possibly even make it a learning experience for Devon and Holly. After all, the two were honestly curious.
Ranthog 24th Feb 2016, 4:10 AM edit delete reply
I don't think you can really lay any blame on Drew. Hell, I reacted just like that once in high school because being labeled as such was just that scary. (While I firmly identified as hetero at the time, I had been the victim of bullying based on being gay.) People just don't act like themselves or correctly when they're scared like that. I said things that may haven been interpreted as homophobic by the other person, who I found out later came out in college, while panicking.

It really brings back the emotional charge of that time for me.

That being said, the hurt he caused Ky is real and that is going to take some fixing. I think that has two things going for it. For one, Drew looks like he's legitimately sorry. The other is Ky is aware of just how badly toxic of an environment Drew's faces at school, and the fact Drew is still a bit freaked out and high strung about his own sexuality.

That being said, Ky took a long time to feel over feeling hurt with Rain. So it is hard to say.


I am inclined to think Devon and Holly would actually keep their word. They seem pretty nice.


To be clear, what he did was wrong but not malicious. Blame really isn't really a good way to look at something like this. Not when the person who would be guilty is simply a victim himself of the homophobia.
AmbiguousMouse 24th Feb 2016, 4:42 AM edit delete reply
To address anything besides the elephant in the room, this and the double date make Devon one of the few homophobes in the supporting cast that I actually like. He seems like an inherently decent person who's simply wildly misinformed about how things like sexuality work. Honestly, I haven't seen much in-comic material to suggest that he even knows enough for him to be able to correct his thought process. He's got a full social network of "gay is weird and gross," very limited experience with homosexuals (and mostly lacking the appropriate context for even those experiences), and no real in-your-face moment to make him step back and try to rethink things (something Drew here did have, in the form of his more intense conversations with Rudy and Rain). But even despite that, he's taken the relative high ground and seems to work on a philosophy of "you are who you hurt, the rest isn't my business." Like, he got on Rudy's case about "becoming gay again" because he was missing context and, in the only worldview he'd been exposed to, that "act" had simply broken Rain'd heart. Here, though, he's like "Mkay, it goes against everything I consider normal so it's sort of offputting, but you're not hurting anybody so you do you and I won't cause you any hell for it." Really one of the best outcomes I could ask for, given again his social environment.
Niceguy Eddie 24th Feb 2016, 11:51 AM edit delete reply
Yes, but only if he opens up to them about his own issues.
Cerberus 24th Feb 2016, 1:17 PM edit delete reply
Yeah, it's true that Drew is new to all of this and is going to make a lot of mistakes and has a lot of internalized baggage he's still getting rid of. And it's true that Ky's patience and care can be really beneficial for him becoming a better person and a better lover. But...

It's not on Ky to fix him.

Cause the thing about pulling someone from the depths of their baggage is that it's frustrating and painful and prone to this stuff. Plus, those who are raised as if they were women and transfolk in general are often expected by society to provide free emotional labor making everyone else better people at their own expense. Especially if the other person is a cis white man.

And that's just not fair. Plus, Drew has fucked up a lot in these early dates and not shown a terrible amount of acceptance of Ky so far. In his interactions he's consistently been "confused" and dismissive of Ky's identity, treating it as "hard" or inconvenient to him and actively trying to get Ky to out Ky's friends.

And while Ky likes the doofus and is expected socially to put up with it, that's not a good place to be in and often makes one feel broken and like one needs to "make up" for being trans or "weird" creating unequal dynamics. Plus, Ky right now desperately needs someone who will accept them with all their heart rather than someone who "may one day grow to be a supportive partner".

And that last point is important because I've seen a number of individuals in my life fall into the trap of "helping fix their man" because "oh, he just has a lot of baggage and is totally growing into a better person thanks to my hard work". And nearly every time, their man has continued to spout bigoted fucked up stuff months and years after they started dating the idiot and the "fixer" just ends up drifting away from their own self-respect and value just to justify the time-sink.

While it is too early to tell if Drew is such a black hole, we can at least see that he is a huge emotional cost for Ky. And it's unfair to expect Ky to deal with constant microaggressions and be responsible for all his education (does he not have google?) simply because Ky believes that's the cost of actually getting to date someone.
Guest 26th Feb 2016, 12:40 AM edit delete reply
Thank you! People here seem way too preoccupied with Drew's education & chance at a future, rather than what would actually be best for Ky/lie right now. Drew has Google. If he genuinely cares about Ky/lie, he's perfectly capable of going & doing his own damn research, & then focusing on asking Ky/lie how best he can support them.
JustAPigeon 24th Feb 2016, 8:37 PM edit delete reply
Oh no, Drew just broke the number one rule. He outed Ky so fast. That is a big no no Drew. :/
Chara 24th Feb 2016, 9:00 PM edit delete reply
oh god i know that feeling. my mom always enjoy talking about my binder in public whenever i wear it. and my sister too, she always used to ask about it IN FRONT OF OUR PARENTS when i hadn't come out yet, until i called her out. people should just shut up about those things.
KatVagnier 25th Feb 2016, 2:51 AM edit delete reply
That's awful, i can't imagine. if someone said out loud that i was tucking i'd be so p*ssed.
Guest 25th Feb 2016, 10:03 PM edit delete reply
Oh... Man, you were doing so well!
T-Dog 25th Feb 2016, 10:46 PM edit delete reply
Devon is actually kind of awesome. He doesn't care, see's it as none of his business, and gives reasonable advice.
Akane 18th Jul 2016, 1:47 AM edit delete reply
That...was...heavy...poor Ky must be devastated. I wonder if there's still saving to that...
Lex-Kat 26th Nov 2016, 5:51 AM edit delete reply
Lex-Kat
Yes!! Devon and Holly are awesome! I know they are b-string characters, but they rock!!

Drew, you better be good to Ky. Or I'll....
Some Ed 17th Jun 2017, 3:59 AM edit delete reply
Ok, now I'm imagining Holly dressed up as a dominatrix, making Devon clean her room with the proffered reward of allowing him to do her laundry. (No BD or SM stuff because who really needs it?) Next date, they switch roles.
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