Rain
Comic 732 - Mirror
Author Notes:
We've seen her done up already though. We know that once she gets dressed and fixes herself up, she really should be fine, right? But as I said, we're our worst critics. This is a very real fear of a lot of trans folks. And if that fear is there, it's hard to shake.
Back in my pre and early transition days, there were a lot of times I didn't go out to do something I really wanted to do because I was afraid I didn't pass well enough. Why? Because I caught my jawline in the mirror at the wrong angle. Or I didn't like the way the dress I wanted to wear looked on me at that moment. Or all the makeup in the world could do nothing for my five o'clock shadow for some reason even though it totally worked fine yesterday. It was always stupid stuff like that that could ruin my whole day. But that speaks volumes of how debilitating dysphoria can be.
I thankfully don't get like this anymore. I mean, I'll still have days where I don't like the way I look or feel (and contrary to what some people think, I still get misgendered often enough), but I don't want it to prevent me from doing what I want to do anymore. I will go out regardless. I have to. I can't let fear rule my life, or I'll miss out on life. So please try to be brave, my trans sisters and brothers. Don't listen to mirrors; they're seriously jerks sometimes. Instead, listen to me who KNOWS you can pass even if I don't know you. Listen to your supportive friends who want you to be happy. Listen to the part of YOU who wants you to go out and be you. You can do it. :)
So... downer page, I know. But hopefully the motivational speech makes up for it at least a little. I really, really promise this chapter won't be as rough as the last one; this was just a very important trans experience I thought I should shed light on.
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Rain, all characters and all other aspects of the story are copyright material belonging to me.
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Okay, Rain? Listen to your maker and woman up! >:3
Poor Rain.
As for Rain, I hope she can keep in mind that it gets better. Eventually, looking in the mirror will feel good instead of bad; the difficulty is in not giving up along the way.
Thanks for your motivational speech, I'll try to take it to heart. Mirrors and being misgendered causes our souls a lot of pain and test our self-confidence (if there's anything of that left...)
I try to tell myself every day, that I NEED to live... But honestly: After that failed coming out about 8 years ago, fear rules me.
Sorry if I'm waxing philosophical and meandering... I just know that stuff gets better sometimes, and turnarounds can happen. Keep on working on being you, and hold on to hope, and someday, the dark times will be behind you.
I didn't originally plan to transition, in fact - the main goal was to be able to look in a mirror without feeling nauseous. Of course, there was this side effect that people started to give me strange looks in the men's room. That and the wino singing me a serenade as I was walking to work one morning were pretty clear hints that I'd stopped passing as a man. Not that it distressed me too much, of course, but the main point was being able to like the face that looks back from mirrors. And these days, most of the time I can.
One day Rain can, too. I hope the road there won't be *too* long and hard.
Good luck! xxx
The pep talk is point on.
((I still don't like the short hair. ;) ))