Comic 1316 - If Something Changes

27th Nov 2020, 11:26 AM in Ch. 41 - Graduation
If Something Changes
Average Rating: 5 (9 votes)
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Author Notes:

Jocelyn 27th Nov 2020, 11:26 AM edit delete
Jocelyn
The main ongoing arc with these girls through much of the story has been that Chanel is ace and not interested in sex, but still romantically loves Maria, an allosexual lesbian. Chanel has spent a good chunk of the story worried that Maria will lose interest in her because of this. But Maria's feelings never really wavered. She's been nothing if not devoted to Chanel and respectful of her feelings. In a way, most of the information shared on this page is nothing new. It's just confirming exactly how much these girls adore each other.

You might be wondering: even if sex isn't important now, what about later? Like Blair says, things can change or something can come up "in the moment". And sure. These are valid concerns. But only two people ever need to have the answers to those questions... and I believe they already have the answers they need for now. :)

Maybe things will change. Maybe the "moment" will come up. And... maybe it won't. It's a PG-13 comic, though, so the answer shouldn't matter to us (it's not like there was ever going to be a gratuitous sex scene or anything). It's their personal, intimate lives, and we already know how they feel about each other. We already know they make each other astoundingly happy. And we already know they can barely handle spending a whole day apart.

That's love! Whether sex ever factors into that equation or not, that is love. <3

And for the cynics out there, I'll remind you that I, the author of this comic, am a "lesbi-ish" asexual just like Chanel, married to an allosexual person just like Maria. We've been together for 15 years, and married for 12 of those years. So I'm not interested in hearing how anyone thinks this "can't work". As long as these girls continue to communicate their feelings with each other, I see no reason they can't have a strong, loving relationship ahead of them. ^_^


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Comments:

TK 27th Nov 2020, 12:25 PM edit delete reply
Initially I didn't know that ace can just change "like that" but it makes sense. When talking with an ace friend, they said the aren't as sure about it as before.
Guest 27th Nov 2020, 1:04 PM edit delete reply
Asking because of something you said in the comments of Stereotype (which you link to in your final paragraph), and because bgb brought it up last page: I know Father Quenton is now listed as "Unknown" sexuality, but is Brother Arthur actually asexual, or just celibate?

I feel like I should have been more knowledgeable about asexuality before this, but I have definitely learnt quite a bit from these three pages (as well as the comments). Thank you so much!
Jocelyn 27th Nov 2020, 1:34 PM edit delete reply
Jocelyn
@Guest

It's worth noting that while not asexual people are celibate, and neither are all celibate people asexual, a person can be both.

I think I called Arthur asexual in a more ignorant time when I maybe didn't understand that either (I mean, none of us just start knowing this stuff, so no worries if we only learn more recently). They're separate things, asexuality and celibacy, but that said, he can be both. ^_^
Guest 27th Nov 2020, 9:07 PM edit delete reply
What I meant to ask is: Is he asexual and celibate or allosexual and celibate?
Shoto 3rd Dec 2020, 8:06 PM edit delete reply
what is celibate
Willow13 5th Dec 2020, 7:01 AM edit delete reply
Willow13
Its when you swear off Sex generally for Religious reasons.
Devin 27th Nov 2020, 1:16 PM edit delete reply
I caught up in time for the tenth anniversary! This is a good story :)
Zophah 27th Nov 2020, 1:18 PM edit delete reply
A shrug and an ace flag just seems so apt.
ZylaKat 27th Nov 2020, 1:34 PM edit delete reply
Personally, being polyam, my immediate response is just "well,as long as they both agree with it, she can always just have a sexual partner on the side if it's important for her" (which assuming they're monoam I'm not sure how well that would work for them as, tbh, I don't really understand monogamy even though I can respect it)
But whatever they end up doing is for them to decide and no one else <3
bgb16999 27th Nov 2020, 1:58 PM edit delete reply
bgb16999
That bottom-left panel with the ace background really cracks me up:)
AnadiaRose 27th Nov 2020, 1:59 PM edit delete reply
I'm sure it can work,for a lot of people love is all they need.

What I will say is it doesn't work for me and I'm demisexual (I only feel sexually attracted to those i have romantic feelings for) I need that intimacy, that closeness. Its not even about the sex itself really.

All I know for sure is I dated an asexual guy who didn't care at all about sex (he'd be up for it if I wanted it) and it caused issues with my own self-esteem (completely my issue) which caused a strain on our relationship (one of many that caused the break up)

And now I'm dating another asexual guy (they seem to like me for whatever reason) but our sex life is way more healthy. It doesn't feel like he's just doing it for my sake. Its more like he gets something out of it even if he doesn't feel sexual attraction.

I know he cares for me (too soon to call it love) and things just naturally click between us for whatever reason.
TKK 27th Nov 2020, 3:26 PM edit delete reply
They at least have the advantage of living in an age when such things are recognized, and people are aware of where they stand on these spectrums. In the past, however, such dilemmas have lead to much heartache.
My paternal grandmother, it is obvious in retrospect, was ace - once she had delivered to sons (she wanted kids too), she was not interested in having sex anymore. But while I believe my grandfather actually loved her, he had his natural urges - so he went otherwhere which in turn hurt the feelings of my grandmother.
Point is this was during the 1930's and 40's when noone knew about such things (and even less so in provincial Denmark).
hanna 27th Nov 2020, 4:35 PM edit delete reply
ive been fully aware of asexuality for years now but ive had some questions im too scared to ask my ace friends and stuff cus i dont want anyone thinking im a bad person. but basically.. what if ur allo dating someone who comes out as ace. obviously its not always a big deal to some couples, like maria and chanel, but if the allo finds sex an important and possibly necessary part of a relationship for them, is it acephobic to break up with their partner? ive never been in this situation but ive always been curious
Minim 27th Nov 2020, 6:35 PM edit delete reply
Minim
I wouldn't think so, if one partner needs more sex than the other in any kind of relationship that's more of a compatibility issue than acephobic and it's not a problem limited to allo/ace partnerships. Allos and aces of all varieties can have varying levels of libido after all. It might get a bit more complicated if the allo and ace were basically on the same wavelength regarding the sexy times, though, aces have a wide variety of views on sex and some are happy to or even just plain want to have it in a relationship so it gets a bit more complex. Asexuality like all other orientations is about attraction and some allosexuals can find it a blow that their partner isn't attracted to them specifically. I guess as long as everything is handled with respect for each person in the relationship and there's no true nastiness involved though, then that's the most important thing. Or maybe this makes no sense and I'm just rambling.
Leah 27th Nov 2020, 7:37 PM edit delete reply
No, nobody should EVER be forced to stay in a bad relationship just because of what other people will say.

But if you love someone don't just dump them. What you do is:
1. Talk honestly together about what you both need in the relationship.
2. NOT make assumptions about what the other person is or is not okay with!
3. Try to figure out together a balance that makes both of you feel safe and loved -- and get very good at communicating when something feels wrong.

It's the same rule whether they're ace, or belongs to a different religion, or loves cats and you love dogs, or really wants kids and you don't.

And after all of that it might work out and be great! Or you might try and it just doesn't work. (Maybe you need regular frisky-times and they need 100% no-touchy.)

And it's okay to break up if it doesn't work. A lot of relationships end because two people like each other but realize they'd be really cruddy life partners together.
arkathenia 27th Nov 2020, 6:02 PM edit delete reply
I'm really happy Rain places all the action in people's hands. They get to make their own choices, and live how they want - there is no need for labels ruling your life, as labels just describe you. If something does change, they're free to do whatever they feel is right for them. That makes me so happy that they're respected in their experiences <3
Casey K 27th Nov 2020, 7:59 PM edit delete reply
Casey K
Congrats on 12 years. Same as me. It's nice to know that there are still a handful of us who defy all the typical stereotypes and notions and somehow manage to eek out at least decent or better marriages. Good on ya, lass!
Card_Hoarder 28th Nov 2020, 12:14 AM edit delete reply
I like the ace flag as the background affect for shrug
Pseudonym 28th Nov 2020, 5:39 PM edit delete reply
They shrugged so hard, the shoe rack exploded into fireworks in the shape of the ace flag. I love it.

I briefly thought about what the gestures are for flags of other sexualities. Sadly, none of my ideas are appropriate for this comment section.
Pseudonym 5th Jun 2021, 8:30 PM edit delete reply
Rest in peace, Richard de Shoérak, of the foyer shoe racks. You did not serve as you had imagined, but you served to the fullest.
Teaj 28th Nov 2020, 11:45 AM edit delete reply
Maria and Chanel's relationship has really helped me through the years. I'm Ace-pan and have always felt like if I get in a relationship I'd be letting the other person down in some way. Reading this comic as I grew up helped me see that not only was that not the case, but people could be happy and healthy with an ace partner. So... Thank you, Jocelyn. I've been reading this since the beginning and it has meant a lot to me in the last 10 years. I'm 25 now and am in my first relationship, which I honestly don't think would have been possible without this comic.
bgb16999 28th Nov 2020, 5:29 PM edit delete reply
bgb16999
Also, happy 10 years of Rain!
j-eagle12212012 29th Nov 2020, 6:56 AM edit delete reply
j-eagle12212012
I really like that 6th panel it's both cute and funny
Shoto 3rd Dec 2020, 8:17 PM edit delete reply
Everyone else is talking about the shrug+ace flag, but no one's talking about the face Chanel's making in that panel
Szarrukin 23rd Dec 2020, 3:14 PM edit delete reply
Wow, I am also an ace married to allo, high five!
willowstream646 12th Feb 2021, 4:49 PM edit delete reply
Omg I'm crying jocelyn I love you hh the first page I come back to and it's *this* oml💙
Pixie 12th Mar 2021, 5:38 PM edit delete reply
there is also always the option of being poly, and having another partner that you have sex with.

but asexual is specifically just the lack of sexual attraction to other people. it isnt the lack of sexual desire altogether, so yeah their are plenty of ace people who still enjoy sex and kink and masturbation, and of course there are plenty who dont enjoy any of it.
Iejir_Isk 28th May 2021, 7:32 PM edit delete reply
YAY. While missing the OTP... (even if rocky). That color banner in bottom left pane is great!~ And, honestly, anything dealing with the sex only matters to those involved. Also, nice to see some cake-loving ace rep =^_^=
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